Socchan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
soc_puppet) wrote2006-07-27 07:50 pm
soc_puppet) wrote2006-07-27 07:50 pm
CFUD App Plans post
...I said I wasn't going to do it this round. I was wrong.
Moving it here, because the last post was getting kinda full and stuff.
I'm pretty sure there aren't any CFUD players out there, but if there are, who I'm apping is under here, so beware of bias? Still half-tempted to lock this thing.
Ahahahah. Aha. Hah. Apping Hakuba, stfu.
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon info goes here. Will write later.
App plan thus far:
Hakuba sees "person in a gorilla suit".
Hakuba accosts gorilla-suited person, announces time & date (for the record), explains why he's there (help local police capture Kid, and what's this about a murder mystery?), begins asking questions.
Asks more questions. Stuff about camp layout, possible suspects for various things, do they have crocodile permits, etc.
Gorilla gets tired of this. "Unhand me, you brute! I wasn't done asking questions yet!"
----
...Yeah, I need more content, methinks. And to decide whether I want to focuse more on the hunt for Kid, or on the murder mystery. Or maybe he can ask questions about the Kid and the camp, and then find out about the murder mystery, and ask lots of questions about that when the gorilla gets tired of it and interrupts. Iunno.
Things I need to do:
* Make sure grammar is okay, check for typos, etc. when finished.
* Make sure voice is okay/strong (relatively unknown series, harder for the voters to tell, but I need to play him well for my own concience and anyone who does recognize him)
* Make sure I have enough funny, for the love of Pete!
Edit:
Started the sample entry about four times now, and can't decide which to work off of yet =_= Leaning towards the most recent. Posting the lot of them here, so you can get a look at them, and maybeI can leech ideas off of you get an idea of which one(s) sound the best.
Beginning 01:
Excuse me! You there, in the gorilla suit! I need to have a word with you!
Time: Saturday July 29, year 2006; 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Location: Camp Fuck You Die. Odd sense of humour these Americans have. I would like to ask you a few questions.
A few days ago, I was contacted by the local law enforcement agency; they informed me that the Kaitou Kid was planning a heist here, and wanted an expert on hand to deal with him. Unfortunately, I didn't realize they meant alone.
Beginning 02:
Camp Fuck You Die, is it? Odd sense of humour Americans have. Very interesting place. A lot of blood spilled around here too, judging by Watson's reaction. All in all, quite a strange choice of the Kid to hold a heist here. He usually dislikes blood.
...But I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here as an expert on phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I hear that the director recieved a heist notice from him a short while ago, correct? Then I shall begin.
Beginning 03:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit! Tell me, how big is this place? Are there any large buildings with good updrafts?
Beginning 04:
I've had it up to here with this blasted place. This is, without question, the least organized summer camp I have ever seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, people dressed as corpses shuffling about--what the bloody hell does Kid expect to steal here, anyway? I expect anything he'd be interested in is either already in the black market or sunk in the swamp. And the name--Camp Fuck You Die? Really, I thought Americans were too prudish to show a man applying a rubber to a banana as a public service commercial, and here they're naming summer camps after lewd acts. I must be getting all my information from the wrong sources.
------
They go from earliest to most recent. They've all got their pros and cons, and I may end up having to smush them all together for a fifth start.
From my estimation, a good entry length is somewhere between 250 and 350 words (give or take fifty words). Can section should be about half that. It needs plenty of camp interaction, some hints towards canon without being completely reliant on it, and a good, strong voice. ...I'm not sure how any of these are with the voice, really. Help?
Edit 2:
From version 3 above:
----------------------
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
First of all, I need to know everything you can tell me about the target. It's likely to be a gem of some sort, and large at that. Possibly it will be associated with some sort of odd legend, or is said to have some mysterious property. Secondly, I need to know everything about where it is and how it's being protected. And don't try to hide it or replace it with a fake, he's bound to pick up on it somehow. Our only chance is to catch him in the act. Third, what sort of authority figures do you have around here, and do they wear any sort of uniform? Keep in mind that they may be impersonated at any moment. Watch for any out of character behavior. Fourth--
I say, gorilla man, hands off! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
--------------------
Need to know if the voice is consistant, if it's laugh-out-loud, side-clutching funny, and if it's too Kid reliant. Going to be working on a second version next that's more murder-mystery reliant.
Edit 3:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit; you look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What colour? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and put me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
-----------------
Went through with spellcheck. Changed the US spellings to UK spellings where appropriate (I seem to have only missed 'colour'). Still worried about voice, funny, and canon reliance. Will be cleaning it up within the next (half) hour and probably writing the canon after that.
...Still want to put in the banana and condom joke, but am slightly worried about how that would be received. It is historical, but is it modern enough? (For the record, I think it was a mayor of NYC who sponsored public service commercials that demonstrated how to put a condom on a banana, so kids would know how. There followed a huge uproar in the States, and the commercial was pretty much immediately taken off the air, but people in the UK were fairl amused by it, I think? It's been a while since I learned it.)
Anyway, think I have about the right word length even without it, but still want to be sure.
Edit 4:
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon: Meet Hakuba Saguru, half-British, half-Japanese teenage detective. This stuffed shirt of a seventeen-year-old left his home in London town to go chasing the infamous phantom thief, Kaitou Kid, in Japan. There, he relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but worse observation skills) to listen to him. Upon failing to capture the thief, Hakuba promptly abandoned a dorky catchphrase and an even dorkier outfit, and vowed to be the one to catch the Kid. He currently suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.
Hakuba has a somewhat obsessive personality, and has a bad habit of overwhelming people with questions. His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year, and he greatly enjoys announcing the time by it. He is accompanied in later appearances by his pet Sparrow hawk, Watson, who becomes very excited by the smell of blood. He flirts badly.
Sample entry:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is driving Watson batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say.
Camp Fuck You Die, was it? Odd sense of humor you Americans have. This is one of the more poorly organized summer camps I've seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, and the trees are badly in need of trimming. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana.
My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, though I'm beginning to think it was sent by an imposter. Nevertheless, I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit. You look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What color? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and set me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
--------
Down to the wire. Beta team, go! Is everything explained in the canon section? Is Hakuba's character evident in both parts, and is it consistant? Any mistakes I need to correct?
After this, I think I may be ready to send it in.
Edit 5: Apps sent in. Now comes the hard part. Unless I distract myself. Ooo look, abutterfly moth!
Edit 6: Making this 'invisible' on at least my LJ. Upon re-reading the app, I have quite a bit less hope for it than I did yesterday. Will start work on Tohru shortly, with any luck. Current prediction for Hakuba: 40% or weeding. That is all.
Moving it here, because the last post was getting kinda full and stuff.
I'm pretty sure there aren't any CFUD players out there, but if there are, who I'm apping is under here, so beware of bias? Still half-tempted to lock this thing.
Ahahahah. Aha. Hah. Apping Hakuba, stfu.
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon info goes here. Will write later.
App plan thus far:
Hakuba sees "person in a gorilla suit".
Hakuba accosts gorilla-suited person, announces time & date (for the record), explains why he's there (help local police capture Kid, and what's this about a murder mystery?), begins asking questions.
Asks more questions. Stuff about camp layout, possible suspects for various things, do they have crocodile permits, etc.
Gorilla gets tired of this. "Unhand me, you brute! I wasn't done asking questions yet!"
----
...Yeah, I need more content, methinks. And to decide whether I want to focuse more on the hunt for Kid, or on the murder mystery. Or maybe he can ask questions about the Kid and the camp, and then find out about the murder mystery, and ask lots of questions about that when the gorilla gets tired of it and interrupts. Iunno.
Things I need to do:
* Make sure grammar is okay, check for typos, etc. when finished.
* Make sure voice is okay/strong (relatively unknown series, harder for the voters to tell, but I need to play him well for my own concience and anyone who does recognize him)
* Make sure I have enough funny, for the love of Pete!
Edit:
Started the sample entry about four times now, and can't decide which to work off of yet =_= Leaning towards the most recent. Posting the lot of them here, so you can get a look at them, and maybe
Beginning 01:
Excuse me! You there, in the gorilla suit! I need to have a word with you!
Time: Saturday July 29, year 2006; 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Location: Camp Fuck You Die. Odd sense of humour these Americans have. I would like to ask you a few questions.
A few days ago, I was contacted by the local law enforcement agency; they informed me that the Kaitou Kid was planning a heist here, and wanted an expert on hand to deal with him. Unfortunately, I didn't realize they meant alone.
Beginning 02:
Camp Fuck You Die, is it? Odd sense of humour Americans have. Very interesting place. A lot of blood spilled around here too, judging by Watson's reaction. All in all, quite a strange choice of the Kid to hold a heist here. He usually dislikes blood.
...But I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here as an expert on phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I hear that the director recieved a heist notice from him a short while ago, correct? Then I shall begin.
Beginning 03:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit! Tell me, how big is this place? Are there any large buildings with good updrafts?
Beginning 04:
I've had it up to here with this blasted place. This is, without question, the least organized summer camp I have ever seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, people dressed as corpses shuffling about--what the bloody hell does Kid expect to steal here, anyway? I expect anything he'd be interested in is either already in the black market or sunk in the swamp. And the name--Camp Fuck You Die? Really, I thought Americans were too prudish to show a man applying a rubber to a banana as a public service commercial, and here they're naming summer camps after lewd acts. I must be getting all my information from the wrong sources.
------
They go from earliest to most recent. They've all got their pros and cons, and I may end up having to smush them all together for a fifth start.
From my estimation, a good entry length is somewhere between 250 and 350 words (give or take fifty words). Can section should be about half that. It needs plenty of camp interaction, some hints towards canon without being completely reliant on it, and a good, strong voice. ...I'm not sure how any of these are with the voice, really. Help?
Edit 2:
From version 3 above:
----------------------
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
First of all, I need to know everything you can tell me about the target. It's likely to be a gem of some sort, and large at that. Possibly it will be associated with some sort of odd legend, or is said to have some mysterious property. Secondly, I need to know everything about where it is and how it's being protected. And don't try to hide it or replace it with a fake, he's bound to pick up on it somehow. Our only chance is to catch him in the act. Third, what sort of authority figures do you have around here, and do they wear any sort of uniform? Keep in mind that they may be impersonated at any moment. Watch for any out of character behavior. Fourth--
I say, gorilla man, hands off! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
--------------------
Need to know if the voice is consistant, if it's laugh-out-loud, side-clutching funny, and if it's too Kid reliant. Going to be working on a second version next that's more murder-mystery reliant.
Edit 3:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit; you look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What colour? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and put me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
-----------------
Went through with spellcheck. Changed the US spellings to UK spellings where appropriate (I seem to have only missed 'colour'). Still worried about voice, funny, and canon reliance. Will be cleaning it up within the next (half) hour and probably writing the canon after that.
...Still want to put in the banana and condom joke, but am slightly worried about how that would be received. It is historical, but is it modern enough? (For the record, I think it was a mayor of NYC who sponsored public service commercials that demonstrated how to put a condom on a banana, so kids would know how. There followed a huge uproar in the States, and the commercial was pretty much immediately taken off the air, but people in the UK were fairl amused by it, I think? It's been a while since I learned it.)
Anyway, think I have about the right word length even without it, but still want to be sure.
Edit 4:
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon: Meet Hakuba Saguru, half-British, half-Japanese teenage detective. This stuffed shirt of a seventeen-year-old left his home in London town to go chasing the infamous phantom thief, Kaitou Kid, in Japan. There, he relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but worse observation skills) to listen to him. Upon failing to capture the thief, Hakuba promptly abandoned a dorky catchphrase and an even dorkier outfit, and vowed to be the one to catch the Kid. He currently suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.
Hakuba has a somewhat obsessive personality, and has a bad habit of overwhelming people with questions. His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year, and he greatly enjoys announcing the time by it. He is accompanied in later appearances by his pet Sparrow hawk, Watson, who becomes very excited by the smell of blood. He flirts badly.
Sample entry:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is driving Watson batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say.
Camp Fuck You Die, was it? Odd sense of humor you Americans have. This is one of the more poorly organized summer camps I've seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, and the trees are badly in need of trimming. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana.
My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, though I'm beginning to think it was sent by an imposter. Nevertheless, I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit. You look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What color? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and set me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
--------
Down to the wire. Beta team, go! Is everything explained in the canon section? Is Hakuba's character evident in both parts, and is it consistant? Any mistakes I need to correct?
After this, I think I may be ready to send it in.
Edit 5: Apps sent in. Now comes the hard part. Unless I distract myself. Ooo look, a
Edit 6: Making this 'invisible' on at least my LJ. Upon re-reading the app, I have quite a bit less hope for it than I did yesterday. Will start work on Tohru shortly, with any luck. Current prediction for Hakuba: 40% or weeding. That is all.
no subject
*is totally just going to grin at you now*
...I--uh...haven't written anything yet still *nervous laugh*
Yeah, good point...
...*snerk* I can point you to some if you want?
no subject
=_=
*whaps you* Get started! ...And while I'm at it, do you know if there are any regulations for having someone else send your app in?
Hakuba: Why the bloody hell is Kid holding a heist at a murder mystery site?! *is so gonna fail at the Brittish aspect ^^;*
I think I'll live. Probably. Or I can make my own, I guess.
no subject
XD
*ducks~* Hai, hai~ I'm getting to work~ Getting to work~ ...I've asked about it before. All you have to do is make a note in the email about my situation (I'll probably write that for you) and they'll take it in. >.>;;;
Well, you'll have some fellow Brits over there, so yeah...XD But yeah, sounds good~
But Hakuba makes such a good "Holier Than Thou" impression on others sometimes~
no subject
In the (unlikely) event that I manage to somehow get in, my first post will probably be to CFO, making puppy eyes at the Brits for help with authenticity ^^;
He does at that, the loveable little dweeb.
no subject
...and you always get onto my case about being self-depreciative. If we don't make it in this time, there's always another camper app session~ But yeah, I'm sure that they'll help you out some. :D
He's so adorkable. Oh yeah...
no subject
Yes, yes I do. Low expectations allow me to bounce back from percieved failure sooner, and also allow me to be pleasantly surprised if I do acchieve what I set out to do. And anyway, it's too soon for me to guess anything with my app still unfinished.
They probably will, if I get in. And even if I get voted out, I can probably ask someone who is British to look over my language if I reapp, give me some tips and stuff. (I'd try and find one this time, but I'm pushing the deadline as it is.)
I'd tap that.I mean, uh...no subject
...good point.
Yeah, that way we can try again later? XD
Don't blame you, really.XDno subject
Also, low expectations =/= bad opinion of own ability.
Definitely. I really wanna get in somehow at this point.
Mrow :DDno subject
...true...
Ha. This'll only be my third attempt, so I'll be game to try again. XD
no subject
I kinda prefer a realistic assessment of abilities to false modesty :D;;
Coincidence! This will also be my third attempt! Though I'll only stop trying when I don't think I can learn anything more from it and still don't get in.
no subject
...so what if a person doesn't know if they're being false in the modesty? O_o??
Technically, this could be taken as my fourth attempt, really...but yeah...the last time I tried, my app didn't go anywhere and I was a bit relieved since I...well...sucked. XD;;;
no subject
I haven't actually given that a lot of thought o_O Haaaard question. Lemme get back to it
in a week. Though I suppose the first step would be in defining false modesty in the first place.no subject
...huh. Well, it's something to think about at least.
...*is totally being lazy and hasn't started on the Sample Post yet*
no subject
Definitely.
*has kinda started, but keeps on getting distracted DD:*
no subject
...*still hasn't started and I'm not the one distracting you, am I?*
no subject
I'm also kinda vaguely re-reading Hakuba's first appearance in Detective Conan, for a better handle on characterization and stuff :D;; Though I might just give up and dig through the fics that I thought treated him well.