Oh Shit, The Trash! (A play in three acts)

[soc_puppet]

Sponsor message: "This post is brought to you by Habitica. Habitica: Reminding Socchan to take the trash out for 179 weeks and counting—usually before the last possible minute!"

Prologue

Me, twenty minutes ago: Oh shit, it's Thursday! That means it's trash night!
Me: And, let's face it, there's no way in hell I want to get up earlier than trash pickup, so that means I need to get the trash and recycling cans at the curb now. And, of course, it's raining!

Act One

Me: *scurries about inside, collecting what trash ey can, regardless of the rain*
Me: *nips outside to deposit trash; goes back to the front door*
Me: ...did I really just forget to unlock the front door before I left?
Door: Yep!
Me: ...shit. Welp, nothing else for it. *scurries about in the rain for not-quite-emergency counter-measures*

Act Two

Me: Okay! I'm back inside, and I just need to get the recycling out, this time making sure to unlock the door before I go out.
Me: *tromps about in the rain more, making sure the recycling bin is at the curb for pickup*
Brain: Hey, this counts as our shower, right?

Act Three

Me: Finally, I'm back inside and the trash and recycling are all taken care of! Or at least as taken care of as I'm planning to get them tonight.
Me: I think I'll have a quick drink of juice before I head back downstairs, to refresh myself.
Molly the dog: Oh hey, you're here! That can only mean one thing: I get cuddles!
Me: ...Uh.
Molly the dog: Exactly! So, when are we headed back downstairs for tonight's Puppy Sleepover? 😃?
Me: ...hey, would you look at that, there's a super special treat crumbled up in your food bowl!
Molly the dog: Ooo, that is interesting! *goes to investigate*
Me: *sneaks back downstairs while the dog is distracted*

Epilogue

Me: Phew! All done.
Me: At least until... (dun dun dun!) ...next Thursday!
Rain: *absolutely fails to thunder dramatically*
Me: You're no fun.