Argh!

I completely forgot how to Microsoft Excel spreadsheet!

Excuse me while I have a pity party in the corner and put off asking my mother for help until it's too late. (Whee, social anxiety meets ADHD!)

Edit: Okay, here is exactly what I know about financial accounting.

Accounts can be summarized in a simple equation, which is as follows:
Assets = Liabilities + [Stockholder's] Equity

(Also there's a bunch more vocabulary about things, but I don't care about that as much.)

It can be broken down farther into like four different things for Assets, two different things for Liabilities, and six different things for Equity, but the basic principle of equations remains the same: it must remain in balance. When something on one side goes up, something on the other side goes up to compensate. Likewise, when something on one side goes down, something on the other side must also go down. If it gets out of balance, something is Seriously Wrong and you need to find out what it is and fix it right away.

Only now apparently when one thing goes down, another thing on the other side of the equation goes up? I don't. What? I thought we were using all positive numbers! I mean, granted, liabilities might be construed as 'negative' if we're assigning moral value to these things, but we're talking from a mathematical standpoint. Everything is plus plus plus except for the things that are minus, and that only happens if you're finding the Net Something I Can't Remember or if you're doing it to both sides. I get it, certain things are correlated, but how the hell is this keeping the equation in balance?

Someone give me back my simple math, pronto.