Anxiety

[soc_puppet]

The saying "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" is meant to make large tasks seem more approachable, by breaking them into a series of smaller tasks. And for the most part, this makes a lot of sense.

But it doesn't always work for me. What happens when that first step is at least as terrifying as the rest of the journey? What's to be done when you have a fear, a phobia, of putting one foot in front of the other?

I know I need to do this job-related follow-up thing. They said, "Come back in on Monday," and it's Monday, and I haven't been back in yet, and I'm not otherwise employed, so I need to. It's not at all that I don't want the job; it's that, after going over there, what if I don't have a chance after all? What if I do have a chance, but I've done everything wrong, and part of being told I have a chance is review of how I did them wrong? Sure it's a learning opportunity, but I'm not thinking rationally about that right now. Hell, it's hard for me to think rationally about this sort of thing.

I don't know what's going to happen, and that makes it hard to invest myself in it. And my traditional work-around - have someone to go with me - isn't currently an option.

It's getting later; every minute takes me closer to seven o'clock, and I don't even know what time they close. The later it gets, the less chance they'll be open, and the easier it'll be for me to convince myself not to do what I need to, what I said I would. And I still can't convince myself to step out of the door.

How do I begin think about a thousand miles if I can't even take a single step?

Comments

[inarticulate]

[hugs] I don't know if encouragement works for you (sometimes it does for me, sometimes it just makes things worse), so consider this gentle encouragement. And if you can't make it this time, it's not the end of the world. ♥

[soc_puppet]

*hug hug hug* :< Well, you helped me get out the door tonight, so it made things better this time, at least. And it's good to be reminded that I'll still have more chances when things don't go as well as they could. I should probably write it on a banner or something.

Try this...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Sometimes it helps to reward yourself after doing something that is challenging. You don't push on a river -- you dig a ditch and let gravity move the water down into it.

Re: Try this...

[soc_puppet]

Hm; that's a good way of putting it. Rewards are a bit trickier with money being tight, but I suppose I could try for the self-control involved in stuff I wouldn't be spending money on.

Re: Try this...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I sympathize. I am brokeass broke and have been for some time. So it's non-monetary perks for me. Sometimes I use food -- we keep a jar of candies in the kitchen, and I'll go out to grab two or three of those after I finish a task. Reading is also a popular reward, like reading the next installment of a webfic after I finish writing an article section. For something bigger, I may simply take half a day or a day off and read or watch DVDs or putter outside; I work from home so my schedule is fairly flexible. You have to know yourself and what kind of things make you feel relaxed or happy, and think about what resources you have available.

Re: Try this...

[soc_puppet]

Having more self-control WRT free things that could be considered rewards would also probably help ^^a I guess I could work on that, though.

Re: Try this...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Self-control, like most skills, tends to grow with practice. You always have another chance to get it right. And that progress should help with your confidence and self-respect also, over time. It's not a quick fix, but it works.

Re: Try this...

[soc_puppet]

You know, that's not something I'd ever thought of before; the idea that self-control can get better when you work on it. I'm definitely going to have to give that a shot. Thank you :)

Re: Try this...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Glad I could help.

There are a lot of things that people need to know in order to be functional human beings, but which are taught haphazardly if at all. Not everyone is good at learning them by osmosis, and not everyone has adequate opportunities and good examples to learn them at all. There are both internal personal skills, like self-control; and external people skills, like conflict resolution. Knowing what they are and how they work is a good place to start. Then it's a matter of practice.

Most people will be better at some of the skills than others. Don't beat up on yourself if you aren't good at everything or it takes you a while to learn stuff. What matters is that you understand where your strengths and weaknesses lie, and decide what you want to improve, and work on it as best you can.

By the way, you might like this list of virtues:
http://www.virtuescience.com/virtuelist.html

[turtletoturtle]

I hear you. I do.

Sometimes the only thing to do is to stop thinking and move. Not from panic, not from fear. Just move, in a direction that may be right (after all, there are many possibilities in most situations). Without motion, nothing happens.

[soc_puppet]

Alas, anxiety often freezes me in place. Sometimes I can overpower it (I did tonight, just barely) but it wins far too often - and even when I do overpower it, it's not always on time. I feel like I could be a poster child for "she who hesitates is lost".

[turtletoturtle]

Oh, believe me. I understand. (I realize that may sound inappropriately empathy-ish... let's just at least say that what you are describing is in words I recognize at both head and heart, whether or not I understand the full depths or whatever.)

But I have to believe we can change these things about ourselves, y'know? One little bit at a time. Suffering from anxiety does not mean being consigned to a second class existence.

I also recognize that this may not have been intended as an advice-seeking post, but I'm going to give one more small piece anyway: if you didn't go yesterday, go today. It will not hurt, at least not more than staying home and agonizing, and it may help.

[poissonlune.livejournal.com]

Sometimes when I get anxious about things like that, I just say, "Fuck it," and do it anyway. Which is not very helpful advice, but it works when I get too worried.

♥

[soc_puppet]

Man, if I could do that more often, I'd be. Well, not set for life, but I'd probably be at least a little better off than I am now. As it is, I'm all too often lost in indecision - though I will admit that the "fuck it" option takes a shitload of spoons, which often goes into my (in)decision-making.