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Aug. 30th, 2005 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soc_puppetAt long last, I have my prozac again! I can chase away this stupid anxiety like pidgeons in the park! Well, hopefully.
Got some more work done on East Wind. Really enjoying it ^_^I should write more Naruto fic. Almost done with the sceene. Hope to post soon. I really seem to be more productive when in school ^^; I almost never get anything done at home 9_9
On that note, Grandma's going home on Thursday. I'll be sad to see her go, but it'll be nice to have a little time to myself when I'm at home. Not that I'll really be getting any for the next week or so (Mom'll still be out recovering) but at least I have something to look forward to, yanno? It's hard to really focus on work when I have the looming fear that at any moment a random parent will recruit me to do a chore =_= Or ask what I'm doing, or look over my shoulder to see what I'm writing/reading, or any number of other things. Given this thought, I'm beginning to think it would be better if I moved out and got some time on my own after all. I'm really not enjoying family vacations any more (definitely not to the extent of non-family vacations, anyway) and I'm feeling a little... I don't know. Trapped? Smothered? Pressured? (Of all of these, the last is the one I am least able to stand >_< Expectations = yuck.) Ah, well, I'll figure it out. I know I'm not ready to live completely on my own at least. I'll probably try for something with a roommate if I do get out on my own. Nice clear boundaries and all that.
I'm also wary about my parents finding out about my new relationship with Pat. I mean, I know they'll be accepting and stuff, but I'm still not sure I want them to know. In my mind at least, it's none of their business. Beyond that, I'm afraid they'll think I'm a lesbian. I want to make it very clear that I'm not--that there's a difference between being homosexual and bisexual that I'm not sure they're aware of. This time last year I wasn't worried about this, but then Mom asked if I had decided on one or the other or if I was still bisexual. That really kinda hurt me, and I'm not sure how to handle things anymore. I'm like Dee from Fake in that I don't want people confusing my sexuality -_- *uses him as a role model to an extent* And then there was the time a few years ago when I was going to sleep over at Pat's house and Dad made a point of asking if there would be any 'hanky-panky' going on. I was mortified. I guess that probably had the most to do with how I'm going about this. It's like, if they don't care enough to ask me if I'm with someone before making assumptions, I have no reason to tell them if I'm with anyone.
Anyway, semi-minor issues that I'm going to have to pick at. (Don't want to call 'em big 'cuz they're not overwhelming, but don't wanna call 'em little either.) 'M done moping about this for now; I know most of you probably don't read this journal for this sort of thing ^^; with the exception of my RL friends--at least the ones who don't read fanfic 9_9a I just tend to think better 'on paper', yanno?
Closing note:
I knew a man with a metal leg named Ed.
Oh? What was the name of his other leg?
Got some more work done on East Wind. Really enjoying it ^_^
On that note, Grandma's going home on Thursday. I'll be sad to see her go, but it'll be nice to have a little time to myself when I'm at home. Not that I'll really be getting any for the next week or so (Mom'll still be out recovering) but at least I have something to look forward to, yanno? It's hard to really focus on work when I have the looming fear that at any moment a random parent will recruit me to do a chore =_= Or ask what I'm doing, or look over my shoulder to see what I'm writing/reading, or any number of other things. Given this thought, I'm beginning to think it would be better if I moved out and got some time on my own after all. I'm really not enjoying family vacations any more (definitely not to the extent of non-family vacations, anyway) and I'm feeling a little... I don't know. Trapped? Smothered? Pressured? (Of all of these, the last is the one I am least able to stand >_< Expectations = yuck.) Ah, well, I'll figure it out. I know I'm not ready to live completely on my own at least. I'll probably try for something with a roommate if I do get out on my own. Nice clear boundaries and all that.
I'm also wary about my parents finding out about my new relationship with Pat. I mean, I know they'll be accepting and stuff, but I'm still not sure I want them to know. In my mind at least, it's none of their business. Beyond that, I'm afraid they'll think I'm a lesbian. I want to make it very clear that I'm not--that there's a difference between being homosexual and bisexual that I'm not sure they're aware of. This time last year I wasn't worried about this, but then Mom asked if I had decided on one or the other or if I was still bisexual. That really kinda hurt me, and I'm not sure how to handle things anymore. I'm like Dee from Fake in that I don't want people confusing my sexuality -_- *uses him as a role model to an extent* And then there was the time a few years ago when I was going to sleep over at Pat's house and Dad made a point of asking if there would be any 'hanky-panky' going on. I was mortified. I guess that probably had the most to do with how I'm going about this. It's like, if they don't care enough to ask me if I'm with someone before making assumptions, I have no reason to tell them if I'm with anyone.
Anyway, semi-minor issues that I'm going to have to pick at. (Don't want to call 'em big 'cuz they're not overwhelming, but don't wanna call 'em little either.) 'M done moping about this for now; I know most of you probably don't read this journal for this sort of thing ^^; with the exception of my RL friends--at least the ones who don't read fanfic 9_9a I just tend to think better 'on paper', yanno?
Closing note:
I knew a man with a metal leg named Ed.
Oh? What was the name of his other leg?
