soc_puppet | Compartmentalization

Okay, last blue post for today, I swear. ~~Not that there's much of today left anyway...~~ I'm really, really hoping that I won't make another one tomorrow.

Tomorrow will kill me. Every time I stop and think of the things I need to do for tomorrow I feel like crying. And it's not even that much, really. (Well, okay, one of them is rather big, but.)

The problem is that the way I survived with my anxiety disorder for most of my life was by not thinking about things that made me cry (and anything that frustrates me has the potential to make me cry) until I could handle them better. My psychologist called this compartmentalization--I would pack the thoughts up and tuck them away into a corner of my mind until I could deal with them. Only temporary repression, see? Only that won't work for tomorrow.

See, I have a Spanish test first thing tomorrow morning. After Daylight Savings Time weekend and everything. And I am going to fail it miserably. I tear up every time I stop and even think about studying. Only I can't not think about studying, because thinking about failing the test/class also makes me tear up, which is what is going to happen if I don't study. My only solution is to give up caring about passing Spanish, and awkward questions about grades and not knowing how to answer said questions also makes me tear up.

And then I have this group project thing for Lit. It's itty-bitty, really, but it was supposed to be done either last night or this morning. And not only did I completely forget about it until today, I also had that... thing this morning that carried out throughout today and is really not helping me think about getting the work done. Late things are hard for me to work on.

And I can't skip class tomorrow, which I might've considered since today just absolutely destroyed me, because of the above mentioned things. And I can't skip my other classes because I've already missed too much of the one and I like the other one too much.

So tomorrow is going to pwn me hard. And I really don't want it to. At all. Sadly, I can think of no solution until I can get to my psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday. I need my meds back. Badly.

Edit: Re-emergence of trichotillomania? That works, too!