Movie Pitch

[soc_puppet]

For the record, I blame Shakesville.

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Keifer Sutherland is a notorious pirate (some sort of cross between Jack Sparrow and Wesley as the Dread Pirate Roberts) out to steal various treasures of the world and possibly punch things. He likes magical/mystical things especially, for the Jack Sparrow motivation of wanting to live forever or something.

Keanu Reeves is the world's most powerful wizard, who may or may not also be aloof and/or angsty in what my brain insists is a "Constantine" like way, but ignoring the whole heaven/hell/angels/demons/wev thing. He does various wizardy things, and may have tangled with Keifer in the past over various strange and magical artifacts, because he wants to keep dangerous things out of the hands of people who would do bad shit with them, which he thinks Keifer is one of.

Nicolas Cage is a vampire whose existence can be traced back at least to the US Civil War. He has a connection with blood banks for whenever he can't get a drink from some warm body. [Headcanon: He is extremely sexy and seductive (because the thought makes me lol as he does nothing for me personally) and can steal drinks off of various ladies (and hopefully also dudes, because that is what I am about) and/or is pretty well known in the kink scene for being into consensual bloodplay and feeds that way.] He is very angsty and broody in what my brain is telling me is Tony Stark style, except with less actually caring about the wellfare of other people. He's got a personal collection of mysterious objects from his past and has run into both Keanu and Keifer from time to time for various reasons.

SUDDENLY. The world is under threat of aliens! (Because the best way for this to go is to play the sci-fi card hard core on all the fantasy elements.) The aliens are going to destroy everything! Or something! (Demons are also an option, as are demon-aliens or alien-demons. Whatever. As long as they're out to destroy the world/humanity.) Pirate, Wizard, and Vampire must team up to save the world as we know it from threats as we don't know them. Featuring butt-kicking and special effects and explosions out the wazoo. Also with gratuitous slashy overtones, because that is what Hollywood does a lot, accidentally or otherwise. It would have an outrageously huge budget and also would be showing in 3D practically everywhere.

Eventually the world/humanity is saved and the three have settled into a sort of truce/team-thing, with extra UST, ready and waiting for the next thing to try and destroy the world/humanity. The end.

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Now someone write this for me. (Explicit gay threesome optional.)

I have no idea, okay.

Comments

[dogmatix]

XD Have you read David Weber's 'Out of the Dark'? Because that's a (not terribly good) take on this, with Aliens vs. Humanity(and surprise!Dracula), but if you read it already knowing that *spoiler* is actually Dracula(not that he's terribly hard to spot), that helps somewhat. XD Also UST! (*snerk* 'My Stephen,' indeed)

[soc_puppet]

No I haven't, though now I'm sorta tempted.