FYFF, WIPs, etc
Dec. 8th, 2011 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soc_puppetToday's post is brought to you by Fuck Yeah Fanfic Flamingo :3b At times it knows my mind better than I do. Other times, less so.
This one, though, FYFF and I were on the exact same wavelength, because it's one I submitted.
See, a couple weeks ago, this happened to me! After more years than I care to think about, I started and finished a multi-part fic that I posted to the web. (FTR: [Homestuck] Stitch Two Together - In which Rose inadvertently starts the first inter-dimensional chapter of Stitch and Bitch, and courts Kanaya through crafts; Warning for IC casual ablism). And I think it went pretty well, all things considered! I mean, I don't have an archive-ready copy of it anywhere yet, but I am quite fond of the overall result and it's actually finished, so.
Something I noticed as I was working on it, though, was that it became actively more difficult to make myself write the closer I got to the end. And it wasn't necessarily because I didn't know how to execute something; the final installment, I knew almost to the word what I wanted to happen and how I wanted it to go about, I just needed to sit down and write it. And yet, I didn't get around to it. I kept putting it off, longer and longer, until I finally managed to make myself do it, and even then it took a couple of days to churn out what's certainly less than five hundred words.
Why? How? Was Paul Simon right about this? And then, once I finished the fic, I was left feeling ...almost lost. What was I supposed to do next? The thing I'd been working on was done, and while I felt a sense of pride and completion, there was also an inexplicable feeling of loss and confusion. Like something was missing. But I'd finished the fic; I'd done what I'd started out to do. It was right, even. What could be missing? The feeling that I was in the middle of something? I can't say I've ever felt that way about crochet projects, or pretty much any other project I can think of. And how does this relate to the other dozen-or-so fanfic WIPs I've got lying around?
The feeling faded after a week or so, and I'm left to draw my own conclusion - or rather, to form my own hypothesis: I either don't know how to, or I am afraid of finishing things. So my goal for the next year or so, or maybe even however long it takes, is to learn how to finish things. Written things, that is, and even just small things - that is, longer oneshots and shorter multi-parters. I suppose I'll be testing my hypothesis along the way. And if through learning how to finish things I do not get over my fear of doing so, I should at least be able to develop coping strategies for it.
Anyway, that's a whole pile of words not all of you are going to be interested in. Now I think I'll start working on my goal of finishing written things by finishing and posting my list for that wishlist meme.
This one, though, FYFF and I were on the exact same wavelength, because it's one I submitted.
See, a couple weeks ago, this happened to me! After more years than I care to think about, I started and finished a multi-part fic that I posted to the web. (FTR: [Homestuck] Stitch Two Together - In which Rose inadvertently starts the first inter-dimensional chapter of Stitch and Bitch, and courts Kanaya through crafts; Warning for IC casual ablism). And I think it went pretty well, all things considered! I mean, I don't have an archive-ready copy of it anywhere yet, but I am quite fond of the overall result and it's actually finished, so.
Something I noticed as I was working on it, though, was that it became actively more difficult to make myself write the closer I got to the end. And it wasn't necessarily because I didn't know how to execute something; the final installment, I knew almost to the word what I wanted to happen and how I wanted it to go about, I just needed to sit down and write it. And yet, I didn't get around to it. I kept putting it off, longer and longer, until I finally managed to make myself do it, and even then it took a couple of days to churn out what's certainly less than five hundred words.
Why? How? Was Paul Simon right about this? And then, once I finished the fic, I was left feeling ...almost lost. What was I supposed to do next? The thing I'd been working on was done, and while I felt a sense of pride and completion, there was also an inexplicable feeling of loss and confusion. Like something was missing. But I'd finished the fic; I'd done what I'd started out to do. It was right, even. What could be missing? The feeling that I was in the middle of something? I can't say I've ever felt that way about crochet projects, or pretty much any other project I can think of. And how does this relate to the other dozen-or-so fanfic WIPs I've got lying around?
The feeling faded after a week or so, and I'm left to draw my own conclusion - or rather, to form my own hypothesis: I either don't know how to, or I am afraid of finishing things. So my goal for the next year or so, or maybe even however long it takes, is to learn how to finish things. Written things, that is, and even just small things - that is, longer oneshots and shorter multi-parters. I suppose I'll be testing my hypothesis along the way. And if through learning how to finish things I do not get over my fear of doing so, I should at least be able to develop coping strategies for it.
Anyway, that's a whole pile of words not all of you are going to be interested in. Now I think I'll start working on my goal of finishing written things by finishing and posting my list for that wishlist meme.
