Plans and Planes and Pains
Sep. 23rd, 2024 01:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soc_puppetBrain: Say, it's been a while since the Miraculous Ladybug shine started wearing off; how would you like a new hyperfixation?
Me: ...Is it Avery and Zeek? Or something else that's more productive than consumptive?
Brain: No, sorry ♥
Me: Then... no? No, thank you? Like, yes in concept, very much so, I do so much better when I have a fandom, but uh. Right now is... Look, I just really need my executives to actually be functioning right now, because Shit's Goin' Down. Any chance we can bookmark this stuff for later?
Brain: ...I will get you when you least expect it and least want it. Just you wait.
Late August, Mom got a call from her mom's care assistant, that the landlord of the house Grandma has been living in passed away, and the new owners would prefer she find new accommodations sooner rather than later. Like, they're giving her time! It's not an immediate "you're out on the curb" situation. And honestly, it's about time Grandma move into a facility with full time care regardless. But it's still a hassle that Grandma isn't prepared to deal with alone, or even with just the one care assistant (with limited English) to help, so Mom went south to Texas to help out for a month. She took the dog and drove down, saying she wanted to come back by the end of the month.
Cue last Thursday! I get a call from Mom just as I'm finishing a nap; Mom is asking me to fly down to Texas and drive her and Molly the dog back home in one day, rather than Mom driving back and taking two days. I won't need to get on the hypothetical road for at least a week, and work has been abysmally slow lately, but more importantly it's my mom (and maybe one of the last chances I'll have to see my grandma before she passes), so I say yes. I book a flight ASAP...
...and then start stressing. Part of it is that I hate flying these days. And kinda in general post-9/11? But the most recent flight I went on was in October of 2020 for not dissimilar reasons, and I was very uncomfortable even beyond Covid reasons. Being fat on an airplane isn't pleasant, flying on my own isn't pleasant, I get somewhat more motion sickness than I did when I was a youngster, the planes smell bad, airport food is overpriced, there's all these bullshit packing restrictions, the sitting and waiting isn't comfortable, double everything with the sensory hell of having to wear a mask and just... I was not looking forward to it.
And then it occurred to me: Couldn't I just rent a car for a one-way drive? I looked up the timing, and honestly it wouldn't be that much longer than two flights with some layover and that horrible "You should arrive at least two hours early!!!" thing these days, not to mention there being no actual guarantee that my flights would even be on time in the first place. If I do it right, it'll probably also be at least a tiny bit cheaper; Mom has promised to reimburse me for anything related to this trip, but I'd still rather not spend more than I have to.
So now the problems are: Doing the actual car renting, and canceling my plane ticket. The former scares me less than the latter, TBH, but I'm going to try and at least get the car rental done today, maybe save the flight cancellation for tomorrow.
The problem is, I need enough executive function to pull all of these off, and diving head-first into a new fandom will not help with that. The stress of everything going on might even be why my brain wants to go into hyperfixation mode, but I know that will ultimately only make things worse, and I just. I want to at least try to do things on easy mode here. I deserve it.
So. That is why I will need to be rationing my executive function very carefully over the next week or so, potential hyperfixations be damned. I would allow myself more slack if I were at least getting something more out of it, like some worldbuilding or crocheting done, but not if it's only "breathing in". I definitely need to breathe in, but for my own sake, I'll have to temporarily settle for quick gulps of air, at least for the next few days, and maybe a nice, deep breath on like. Wednesday.
Burgeoning willpower, I'm counting on you!
Me: ...Is it Avery and Zeek? Or something else that's more productive than consumptive?
Brain: No, sorry ♥
Me: Then... no? No, thank you? Like, yes in concept, very much so, I do so much better when I have a fandom, but uh. Right now is... Look, I just really need my executives to actually be functioning right now, because Shit's Goin' Down. Any chance we can bookmark this stuff for later?
Brain: ...I will get you when you least expect it and least want it. Just you wait.
Late August, Mom got a call from her mom's care assistant, that the landlord of the house Grandma has been living in passed away, and the new owners would prefer she find new accommodations sooner rather than later. Like, they're giving her time! It's not an immediate "you're out on the curb" situation. And honestly, it's about time Grandma move into a facility with full time care regardless. But it's still a hassle that Grandma isn't prepared to deal with alone, or even with just the one care assistant (with limited English) to help, so Mom went south to Texas to help out for a month. She took the dog and drove down, saying she wanted to come back by the end of the month.
Cue last Thursday! I get a call from Mom just as I'm finishing a nap; Mom is asking me to fly down to Texas and drive her and Molly the dog back home in one day, rather than Mom driving back and taking two days. I won't need to get on the hypothetical road for at least a week, and work has been abysmally slow lately, but more importantly it's my mom (and maybe one of the last chances I'll have to see my grandma before she passes), so I say yes. I book a flight ASAP...
...and then start stressing. Part of it is that I hate flying these days. And kinda in general post-9/11? But the most recent flight I went on was in October of 2020 for not dissimilar reasons, and I was very uncomfortable even beyond Covid reasons. Being fat on an airplane isn't pleasant, flying on my own isn't pleasant, I get somewhat more motion sickness than I did when I was a youngster, the planes smell bad, airport food is overpriced, there's all these bullshit packing restrictions, the sitting and waiting isn't comfortable, double everything with the sensory hell of having to wear a mask and just... I was not looking forward to it.
And then it occurred to me: Couldn't I just rent a car for a one-way drive? I looked up the timing, and honestly it wouldn't be that much longer than two flights with some layover and that horrible "You should arrive at least two hours early!!!" thing these days, not to mention there being no actual guarantee that my flights would even be on time in the first place. If I do it right, it'll probably also be at least a tiny bit cheaper; Mom has promised to reimburse me for anything related to this trip, but I'd still rather not spend more than I have to.
So now the problems are: Doing the actual car renting, and canceling my plane ticket. The former scares me less than the latter, TBH, but I'm going to try and at least get the car rental done today, maybe save the flight cancellation for tomorrow.
The problem is, I need enough executive function to pull all of these off, and diving head-first into a new fandom will not help with that. The stress of everything going on might even be why my brain wants to go into hyperfixation mode, but I know that will ultimately only make things worse, and I just. I want to at least try to do things on easy mode here. I deserve it.
So. That is why I will need to be rationing my executive function very carefully over the next week or so, potential hyperfixations be damned. I would allow myself more slack if I were at least getting something more out of it, like some worldbuilding or crocheting done, but not if it's only "breathing in". I definitely need to breathe in, but for my own sake, I'll have to temporarily settle for quick gulps of air, at least for the next few days, and maybe a nice, deep breath on like. Wednesday.
Burgeoning willpower, I'm counting on you!
no subject
Date: 2024-09-27 12:09 am (UTC)If you've got the energy for driving instead of flying, that's a brilliant plan. Fingers crossed for you.
Use my icon mesh to hold off new-fandom attractions.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 06:43 am (UTC)I appreciate it! I think it actually helped, since the hyperfocus overran my best efforts anyway and I only managed to break out of it today. I'm crediting your efforts for that 😉