Driver's Ed
Aug. 2nd, 2005 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soc_puppetStarted Driver's Ed a little while ago. I'm eighteen, which means I can technically just take a driving test at the transportation department, but taking the class helps with insurance rates. Plus, I wanna learn. Even if it's something as mundane as that.
Anyway, it feels good to be reading a textbook again ^__^ Heh, betcha don't hear that often. Brain feels much more organized. I don't think that long holidays are really for me. I need something more like a week or two every three or four months, if that. Yanno, just something to break the monotony so I don't get burned out.
Socially, it's bringing me back almost to gradeschool =_= I think I'm understanding things better now, but it still sucks majorly.
See, there's this kid. And I call him a kid for two reasons: one, because no matter how old he actually is (at least a couple years younger than I am), he acts like one, and two, because if I'd said, 'See, there's this guy', everyone would've gotten the wrong impression. Anyway, there's this kid. And he has issues with me. And I kinda have issues with him, but if he didn't go out of his way to try and make me miserable (not that it's working very well) I probably wouldn't.
So this kid has a problem with me, and I think it's this: he thinks I think I'm better than he is. And I do, but only because he's being a jackass. Well, mostly anyway. The thing is, not only do I act like I'm smarter than he is, I can back it up--and I think he's threatened by that, because if I'm better than him, where does he fit into all of it? So he goes about provoking me, trying to get me to lose my cool or to mess up or to not keep up to standard. Except I don't think he's thought about what might happen if I ever actually don't keep it up. If I break down under his taunting. (It's happened before, in grade school. It wasn't pleasant, and the kids were all apologetic afterwards, but they started teasing and harrassing again after a few days. I only ever started to use my power when I realized that I had any--but that's a story for another day.)
I snap. I break. I crumble like so much fallen pottery--still pretty, but with jagged edges. I have an anxiety attack, and, once in a while, I lash out. (Only vocally so far, thank God, but anything further happening is one of my greatest fears.) My taunters (tauntors?) get an attack of concience--"Hey, are you alright? I/we didn't mean anything by it, really. Here, let me help you." Later I'm fine, but they can see that it's mostly a mask of strength that I wear.
Or maybe not. Maybe it's not like being a piece of smashed pottery--that, once broken, can only be glued back together so the cracks still show, and sometimes still chipped and with missing pieces. It's falling, certainly, but it's getting back up again afterwards, and though I'm self-concious about walking at first, soon I can even run again.
So anyway, this kid, he challenges me. For whatever reason he has. And he does so continually. I think it's habit by now (after just two days, six hours total), though if it's not, it soon will be. Challenges my taste, challenges my knowledge, challenges my art skills. (He challenged me to an 'anime-off' against another classmate -_-a Basically, we both had ten (fifteen?) minutes to draw something, and whoever drew the better picture 'won'. I think. I wasn't totally clear on it, even when I was drawing. He claimed his guy won, but I still think mine was better, and I think everyone knows that; he just doesn't want to admit it. (Actually, it's still pretty crappy, but it's not half bad for just ten minutes ^_^ I would've done better if I'd have had more time or better inspiration or something.))(He also threw a grape at me today. Well, I'm pretty sure it was him. If it wasn't him, it was someone at his table (who I think are following him through virtue of sitting at the same table, which is rather funny if you think about it too long; rather sad, too). See, my head was turned, but I felt it hit me, I saw what it was, and I knew what direction it came from, so there's only a limited number of possibilities.)
I hope he quits soon though. Or the teacher catches him and throws him out of class. Or something. I was tired of harrassment by second grade.
Okay, enough boring stuff! Time for... something else!
Meme, snitched from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jeva_chan
GOTHICS! - Deep, dark, mysterious and melodramatic.
You are drawn to write tales of the shadows and
what might lurk there. Could it be Love? Or
Madness? Anne Rice and Brahm Stoker are your
guides.
What Kind of Novel Should I Write?
brought to you by Quizilla
Okay, I'm weak to wanting novel ideas ^^; I admit it.
I'm rather pleased with the results, actually :) I think gothic fits my style and personality pretty well--though I really think that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein fits the category of 'gothic' more than it does 'horror'. I think I can probably safely blame bad Hollywood movies for its placement.
Also, I could never get into Anne Rice.
Anyway, it feels good to be reading a textbook again ^__^ Heh, betcha don't hear that often. Brain feels much more organized. I don't think that long holidays are really for me. I need something more like a week or two every three or four months, if that. Yanno, just something to break the monotony so I don't get burned out.
Socially, it's bringing me back almost to gradeschool =_= I think I'm understanding things better now, but it still sucks majorly.
See, there's this kid. And I call him a kid for two reasons: one, because no matter how old he actually is (at least a couple years younger than I am), he acts like one, and two, because if I'd said, 'See, there's this guy', everyone would've gotten the wrong impression. Anyway, there's this kid. And he has issues with me. And I kinda have issues with him, but if he didn't go out of his way to try and make me miserable (not that it's working very well) I probably wouldn't.
So this kid has a problem with me, and I think it's this: he thinks I think I'm better than he is. And I do, but only because he's being a jackass. Well, mostly anyway. The thing is, not only do I act like I'm smarter than he is, I can back it up--and I think he's threatened by that, because if I'm better than him, where does he fit into all of it? So he goes about provoking me, trying to get me to lose my cool or to mess up or to not keep up to standard. Except I don't think he's thought about what might happen if I ever actually don't keep it up. If I break down under his taunting. (It's happened before, in grade school. It wasn't pleasant, and the kids were all apologetic afterwards, but they started teasing and harrassing again after a few days. I only ever started to use my power when I realized that I had any--but that's a story for another day.)
I snap. I break. I crumble like so much fallen pottery--still pretty, but with jagged edges. I have an anxiety attack, and, once in a while, I lash out. (Only vocally so far, thank God, but anything further happening is one of my greatest fears.) My taunters (tauntors?) get an attack of concience--"Hey, are you alright? I/we didn't mean anything by it, really. Here, let me help you." Later I'm fine, but they can see that it's mostly a mask of strength that I wear.
Or maybe not. Maybe it's not like being a piece of smashed pottery--that, once broken, can only be glued back together so the cracks still show, and sometimes still chipped and with missing pieces. It's falling, certainly, but it's getting back up again afterwards, and though I'm self-concious about walking at first, soon I can even run again.
So anyway, this kid, he challenges me. For whatever reason he has. And he does so continually. I think it's habit by now (after just two days, six hours total), though if it's not, it soon will be. Challenges my taste, challenges my knowledge, challenges my art skills. (He challenged me to an 'anime-off' against another classmate -_-a Basically, we both had ten (fifteen?) minutes to draw something, and whoever drew the better picture 'won'. I think. I wasn't totally clear on it, even when I was drawing. He claimed his guy won, but I still think mine was better, and I think everyone knows that; he just doesn't want to admit it. (Actually, it's still pretty crappy, but it's not half bad for just ten minutes ^_^ I would've done better if I'd have had more time or better inspiration or something.))(He also threw a grape at me today. Well, I'm pretty sure it was him. If it wasn't him, it was someone at his table (who I think are following him through virtue of sitting at the same table, which is rather funny if you think about it too long; rather sad, too). See, my head was turned, but I felt it hit me, I saw what it was, and I knew what direction it came from, so there's only a limited number of possibilities.)
I hope he quits soon though. Or the teacher catches him and throws him out of class. Or something. I was tired of harrassment by second grade.
Okay, enough boring stuff! Time for... something else!
Meme, snitched from
jeva_chanGOTHICS! - Deep, dark, mysterious and melodramatic.
You are drawn to write tales of the shadows and
what might lurk there. Could it be Love? Or
Madness? Anne Rice and Brahm Stoker are your
guides.
What Kind of Novel Should I Write?
brought to you by Quizilla
Okay, I'm weak to wanting novel ideas ^^; I admit it.
I'm rather pleased with the results, actually :) I think gothic fits my style and personality pretty well--though I really think that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein fits the category of 'gothic' more than it does 'horror'. I think I can probably safely blame bad Hollywood movies for its placement.
Also, I could never get into Anne Rice.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-03 04:06 pm (UTC)Even as I prepare to type it, this sounds lame. Nonetheless, endure. How long is the Driver's Ed course, anyway? You can put up with the kid for that long even though you certainly shouldn't have to. Don't bring yourself down to his level.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 02:27 am (UTC)^^ Lame is fine. I don't plan on doing anything that would get me kicked out, and I only have about seven more days of class anyway, so I should be fine. Thanks for the encouragement, though ^_^