Feels weird to be mixing content like this...

[soc_puppet]

Okay guys, this is not something I do very often. Or at all. In fact, I was only going to ever do it once before, right after I got home from Detour, but then I talked about it with my psychologist instead and that seemed to take care of the urge. (I may talk about it anyway later, but that's not now.)

In this post, I will talk about myself. In the things-that-make-me-tick sense, rather than my usual spouting of opinions and/or RL stories.

I don't talk about my feelings a lot, so bear with me please.

Due to recent issues in LJ-land, which I'm going to go ahead and assume most people know about by now (but will link you to my favorite post on the issue (thus far) in case you don't), I've been doing some self-examination. I've been doing this recently when I'm surprised by my own reactions, and have learned things about myself as a result.

What I've learned most recently is that I'm not fond of touch. It's not that I dislike it, exactly, and definitely not something that gets in the way of, say, shaking hands or hugging close friends, but it's... not really something I'm all that comfortable with. It also varies situationally; brief casual touches are okay, but more prolonged touches are less so.

When I wondered why I was reluctant to share much space with someone, even a good friend, who sat next to me in, say, a movie theater, where the seats are not only close together but often literally connected to one another, I attributed it to "not wanting to bother them/make them uncomfortable." This was the rationale that I'd been accepting my whole life, and in most cases I was fine with it. I figure, hey, social boundaries, that's cool; I'll do my best to not impinge and not offend.

This time, though, I started to wonder: why was it I gave everyone such a palpable bubble of space? Why was I so worried I would offend by crossing into it? The answer I came up with is that's how far my own bubble must extend, and how comfortable I am with allowing people into it.

At the moment, I'm fairly certain it's an extension of my social phobia (if anything) rather than a phobia in itself, but a small part of me that seems to be obsessed with the idea wonders how I expect to be in a relationship with anyone if I have issues with prolonged touch 9_9a The rest of me frankly doesn't even want to acknowledge that part's existence. Still, it is somewhat comforting to have learned something new about myself, and to know I'll be able to apply it, even if it's not something most people would take comfort in.

And I guess I'll leave it there. Food for thought and all that.


Anywho, back to the more usual me-entry type stuff! Uh... I'm sure I had some around here somewhere...

O, rite! Am considering the JournalFen thing. On the one hand, I don't really need another journal I'm not going to use; my IJ may as well be non-existent for how often I go there, and one more in the stack isn't going to help me. I also don't know a thing about the atmosphere at JournalFen beyond the fact that it's supposed to be 18+ and hosts fandom_wank. On the other hand, there's something to be said for starting fresh, and it's not like I have to post the same things everywhere. On the neutral side, I have been thinking of starting a new journal to collect my notes on original works, particularly for summerwrite, but I could probably do that just as well here - or anywhere else - as at JournalFen. So I dunno.

Also, here's one more reason to love Randall Munroe: he's sure as heck got the right idea for what to if you meet a you from the future. [/bias]

Edit: I is can be soc_puppet on JournalFen. My "I blame Candy" icon goes here.

Comments

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

You could create the JF account now, and then have it if you decide you want it. Strike while the iron's hot and all that. And if you decide not to use it, no harm done ^_____^

[soc_puppet]

Point! Still, I'm unlikely to decide if I'm never really there...

Ah, what the hell. The name itslef'll be worth it. *goes to see about creating*

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

Yay! \o/ I can has friend you?

[soc_puppet]

Sure, why not; I am soc_puppet. Icons, icons, what am I going to do for icons...?

[candy--chan.livejournal.com]

You have been friended! :D I'm candy__chan, same as I am...everywhere else XD

[inarticulate.livejournal.com]

Touch is a strange issue-- for someone who loves it as much as I do, I have some strange issues with it sometimes. And social phobia is as good an explanation for that as any. ♥ Makes sense to me! |D

(What I've found is that if I'm completely comfortable with the person emotionally and intellectually, I'll be far more open to receiving and giving physical contact. Like-- to the point where most of my RL friends I'm not actually that comfortable with and never have been, for some reason, but CFUD people I can either just drape or be really open about hugging. G-go figure?)

[soc_puppet]

Yeah, it seemed about as reasonable as anything else I could come up with, so if it works...

(That makes a strange amount of sense, actually.)

[ningen-demonai.livejournal.com]

I know some people who also are uncomfortable with touching and have a definite personal bubble, and I've never really heard why they have it. I guess what you have could be what they have too. :<

[soc_puppet]

Could well be? For all I know, social phobia might be a common affliction. I wouldn't go around making assumptions about it, though.

[ningen-demonai.livejournal.com]

No, m'not making assumptions, but it would gimme a reason not to outright hug people, which I do a lot. >>

[soc_puppet]

Ah, well then; that makes more sense, yes. *had clearly misunderstood*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

... soc_puppet. Win. XD

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Also er... personal bubble? Yeah, got that too, I guess. I definitely feel awkward if someone I'm not that familiar with goes and, say, leans on my shoulder. That said, my sister and some friends get away with it fine, so I dunno. Each their own I guess?

[soc_puppet]

Thanks, I thought so, too :Db

That's what I'm calling it for now, yeah. There's probably some formula to it that I haven't been able to figure out yet. Like how well you know the person emotionally/physically/mentally vs how long you've known them, etc.