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soc_puppetI have always been slow to adopt words with whose meaning I was not completely familiar. Though sometimes I would look a word up in a dictionary, more often I would listen to what other words the word sounded like, in what context it was used. The latter proved far more useful for slang terms, especially since I was developing this method mostly in grade school.
Therefore, I'd heard the term slung around fairly often (as part of the very rhyme I was to use) long before I actually used the R word in any sense.
The first time I used it, I was within hearing distance of my mother. My wonderful, thoughtful, kind mother, who immediately caught me and scolded me for doing so. I can't remember exactly what she said (though even now, the taunt I used is branded in my mind), but she made it perfectly clear that using a descriptive term for something that a person could not change as an insult was not okay.
A year or two ago, I was working with my psychologist, trying to figure out some of my issues. I think I was talking about how frustration or disappointment caused me to cry more often than actual sadness when she brought something up: higher levels of frustration were a commonality between people with high testing IQs and people with low testing IQs. Around that time, I tested into the 140s on a particular IQ test, and was assured by my psychologist that I could easily get into Mensa. It should say a great deal that what my psychologist told me about frustration took me a long time to wrap my mind around.
This summer, I started training to work as a school bus driver. When getting advice on what sort of route I wanted to bid on, my trainer asked me, "Do you want an associate on your bus?" And I said yes, I did; I definitely would rather have someone else on board to help corral the kids (as it were) than to be all alone in trying to enforce the rules. "Just so you know, buses with associates have special needs kids on board."
I began the school year driving a long or full-sized bus. Given that I only drove a handful of kids to and from school (a number that fluctuated with time), and that the school in question was a good fifteen plus miles away from at least one of the kids, I wasn't entirely surprised when I was later switched to a smaller or short bus - buses that are reserved for children with special needs. Since August, I've learned a lot.
I've learned that it can be very difficult to tell who has special needs by a first impression. I've learned that shoes come off very easily, and that locating the shoes before we reach the unshod child's stop can be something of a challenge at times. I've learned just how important a solid routine is, and why consistency is important. I've learned how inconsistent the mood of a day can be, and friendships as well.
While I don't know what each of the seven children who ride my bus has to struggle with, I've gotten to know them, and in turn I've gotten to experience a small part of the struggle. I've gotten seven very good reasons to think about frustration.
And so this brings us to today. I've only got a few hours left of March 31st where I am, and I need to be up early tomorrow (as with every school day) to get the kids to class on time, but I want to get this out first.
Guys? Calling something "r*tarded" is not cool. Saying you're a "Narutard" or an "Avatard" or anything similar? Not funny. The term "shounen retard"? I love you guys, but. Slightly squicked, here. And I feel angry and foolish by turns for how long it took me to figure out that /b/-tard was not a play on "bastard".
I've got a lot of work left to do on my own isms, and that includes eliminating words like "lame" from my slang vocabulary (a word I never gave much thought until recently, sadly, and then tried to justify, of all things). I don't think I'll ever be able to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them that use of the R-word is offensive. I'll probably even have trouble with friends and acquaintances for years to come, especially offline.
I can't make you stop using that word. Hell, it's your choice. Here in this journal, though, I'm not going to put up with it. To the best of my memory, no one has used that word here in any sense. If my memory is correct, I'm going to work to keep it that way. If it's not, I'm going to work to keep it from happening again. And that's my choice.
R-word.org
Edit: Two more links: Our Language Frames How We Think About Others and A Message from John C. McGinley (AKA, Dr. Cox from Scrubs).
Therefore, I'd heard the term slung around fairly often (as part of the very rhyme I was to use) long before I actually used the R word in any sense.
The first time I used it, I was within hearing distance of my mother. My wonderful, thoughtful, kind mother, who immediately caught me and scolded me for doing so. I can't remember exactly what she said (though even now, the taunt I used is branded in my mind), but she made it perfectly clear that using a descriptive term for something that a person could not change as an insult was not okay.
A year or two ago, I was working with my psychologist, trying to figure out some of my issues. I think I was talking about how frustration or disappointment caused me to cry more often than actual sadness when she brought something up: higher levels of frustration were a commonality between people with high testing IQs and people with low testing IQs. Around that time, I tested into the 140s on a particular IQ test, and was assured by my psychologist that I could easily get into Mensa. It should say a great deal that what my psychologist told me about frustration took me a long time to wrap my mind around.
This summer, I started training to work as a school bus driver. When getting advice on what sort of route I wanted to bid on, my trainer asked me, "Do you want an associate on your bus?" And I said yes, I did; I definitely would rather have someone else on board to help corral the kids (as it were) than to be all alone in trying to enforce the rules. "Just so you know, buses with associates have special needs kids on board."
I began the school year driving a long or full-sized bus. Given that I only drove a handful of kids to and from school (a number that fluctuated with time), and that the school in question was a good fifteen plus miles away from at least one of the kids, I wasn't entirely surprised when I was later switched to a smaller or short bus - buses that are reserved for children with special needs. Since August, I've learned a lot.
I've learned that it can be very difficult to tell who has special needs by a first impression. I've learned that shoes come off very easily, and that locating the shoes before we reach the unshod child's stop can be something of a challenge at times. I've learned just how important a solid routine is, and why consistency is important. I've learned how inconsistent the mood of a day can be, and friendships as well.
While I don't know what each of the seven children who ride my bus has to struggle with, I've gotten to know them, and in turn I've gotten to experience a small part of the struggle. I've gotten seven very good reasons to think about frustration.
And so this brings us to today. I've only got a few hours left of March 31st where I am, and I need to be up early tomorrow (as with every school day) to get the kids to class on time, but I want to get this out first.
Guys? Calling something "r*tarded" is not cool. Saying you're a "Narutard" or an "Avatard" or anything similar? Not funny. The term "shounen retard"? I love you guys, but. Slightly squicked, here. And I feel angry and foolish by turns for how long it took me to figure out that /b/-tard was not a play on "bastard".
I've got a lot of work left to do on my own isms, and that includes eliminating words like "lame" from my slang vocabulary (a word I never gave much thought until recently, sadly, and then tried to justify, of all things). I don't think I'll ever be able to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them that use of the R-word is offensive. I'll probably even have trouble with friends and acquaintances for years to come, especially offline.
I can't make you stop using that word. Hell, it's your choice. Here in this journal, though, I'm not going to put up with it. To the best of my memory, no one has used that word here in any sense. If my memory is correct, I'm going to work to keep it that way. If it's not, I'm going to work to keep it from happening again. And that's my choice.
R-word.org
Edit: Two more links: Our Language Frames How We Think About Others and A Message from John C. McGinley (AKA, Dr. Cox from Scrubs).
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 03:25 am (UTC)But people I know and consider close friends still use this word, and after a while, you kind of get tired - or even afraid - to tell them to cut it out. I hate that I've grown too afraid to tell people to stop using that word.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 05:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 12:28 pm (UTC)The other one that bothers me is when people say "[character]-fag" to describe themselves as a fan of someone. Where the hell do all these terms come from?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-02 09:07 pm (UTC)Which, on a side note, may mean that I'm a bit too sensitive to stuff like people saying 'bless you' when I sneeze - my first thought is always 'no thanks', because the implied assumption is that regardless of my religion, I want their deity's blessing foisted off on me. The term itself goes back to the superstition that when you sneeze, part of your soul leaves your body(and when you yawn, devils can enter you) and blessing you is a way to put it back, so it's not a ~bad~ sentiment, but, like I said. Too senstive. *sheepish* Probably doesn't help that, off all the languages I know, English is the only one to use 'bless you' instead of some version of 'health/health to you'.