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soc_puppetStep one: Learn to crochet; start making amigurumi.
Step two: Get a dog.
Step three: Give your dog a crocheted toy or two, because you like making things and also making your dog happy.
Step four: Teach your dog to go down the stairs, because it is an important life skill and maybe you wouldn't mind seeing him down there from time to time.
Step five: Notice that your dog is much quicker to go back up the stairs when he finds something to take with him (such as dryer sheets (acceptable; he tears them apart and then gets bored, allowing whatever humans are near to pick up and dispose of the pieces) and socks (Chester put that down)), which is nice, because although you love him, you don't necessarily want to spend every single moment watching him.
Step six: Start stashing a few of his toys in hiding places downstairs for him to find, on the bases that A) This will be great enrichment and encourage natural behavior, and B) As stated above, this will get him to go back upstairs more quickly. Include your room, where you also store and do much of your crochet, as one of these hiding places.
Step seven: Neglect to close your door all the way before leaving for work, and trust that other people will help make sure that the door at the top of the stairs will be closed to prevent dachshunds from wreaking havoc downstairs.
Step eight: Final step. Return home to find destroyed crochet projects. Reflect on how you got to this point. Make a social media post about it and vow to do what you can to prevent such a thing from happening again.
Optional step nine: Pet your dog and let him lick your entiiiiiire face, because you know it's not his fault that he learned to do a thing you didn't want him to.
Step two: Get a dog.
Step three: Give your dog a crocheted toy or two, because you like making things and also making your dog happy.
Step four: Teach your dog to go down the stairs, because it is an important life skill and maybe you wouldn't mind seeing him down there from time to time.
Step five: Notice that your dog is much quicker to go back up the stairs when he finds something to take with him (such as dryer sheets (acceptable; he tears them apart and then gets bored, allowing whatever humans are near to pick up and dispose of the pieces) and socks (Chester put that down)), which is nice, because although you love him, you don't necessarily want to spend every single moment watching him.
Step six: Start stashing a few of his toys in hiding places downstairs for him to find, on the bases that A) This will be great enrichment and encourage natural behavior, and B) As stated above, this will get him to go back upstairs more quickly. Include your room, where you also store and do much of your crochet, as one of these hiding places.
Step seven: Neglect to close your door all the way before leaving for work, and trust that other people will help make sure that the door at the top of the stairs will be closed to prevent dachshunds from wreaking havoc downstairs.
Step eight: Final step. Return home to find destroyed crochet projects. Reflect on how you got to this point. Make a social media post about it and vow to do what you can to prevent such a thing from happening again.
Optional step nine: Pet your dog and let him lick your entiiiiiire face, because you know it's not his fault that he learned to do a thing you didn't want him to.
