Serving One's Time Under Fandom Etiquette

[soc_puppet]

Taking this here, because I enjoy a lot of my time on Tumblr, but it is NOT a good place for nuanced conversation, IMO.

There's a post I just reblogged on Tumblr about the existence of fandom etiquette, and it also touches on something I've been thinking about for a while: I don't know if fandom really has a general accepted way to... IDK, give people a second chance if they violate fandom etiquette in a way that doesn't cause physical or material harm?

To be as clear as possible, I'm not talking about "So-and-so formed a cult and manipulated their followers in creepy ways," "So-and-so used their status as a Big Name Fan to farm money to get a new laptop they didn't need," "So-and-so assaulted someone," or things of that nature. I'm talking more along the lines of, "So-and-so flounced when their fanwork didn't get the attention they wanted," "So-and-so withheld updates to their fanwork for more comments/kudos," or "So-and-so deliberately gave their recipient a fill they wouldn't like in an exchange/event".

How long should we hold someone in contempt for a flounce? What are the conditions under which someone who violates fandom etiquette in such a way might be accepted back into the community? When has someone "served their time"? Is there a way back from a deliberately bad gift? And, to reference another Tumblr post, how does it compare to the statute of limitations on arson?

Comments

[teslac0ils]

Ngl, I think this is more an internet-wide problem than a fandom one in particular. There's definitely a phenomenon that goes on with original artists too. Someone does something "bad" (how bad can vary widely) and if the backlash is large, the main ways forward are 1) apologize, probably have the apology ripped apart and have the thing brought up forever, or 2) incorporate the fact that they were "cancelled" into their persona and appeal to the edgelord crowd.

I'm an optimist though, I think you're on to something that an attitude shift could start with fandom. Fandom is hugely influential on Internet culture as a whole, after all.

[teslac0ils]

Oh, also, I feel like in terms of righting the wrongs, some of those are very doable. For giving someone a deliberately bad gift, either write them a new one (or commission one if the person really doesn't have it in them to write the kind of thing the recipient would like?) for flouncing or fishing for comments/kudos, apologizing for that behavior and then making good on that apology by not acting like that anymore? I do think etiquette would have to go two ways on that second one. Like, if the person says they're really trying to be better, maybe give them a chance to demonstrate it rather than continue to be snarky about that that thing they did.

Though.... To be honest I have no idea how to convince people to actually go along with that. Kind of just thinking aloud on what I think would be ideal. Again, I know that "people who did a bad thing still deserve basic human decency" is a thing a lot of people struggle to incorporate as a part of etiquette so idk.

[soc_puppet]

Yeah, building a receptive space for giving scorned fans second chances is definitely part of the challenge! How would we even approach that? And what "scorned fan" would be brave enough to volunteer to face that? Should we just start with "Here is a new way to approach problems that haven't happened yet" and then try to examine older problems through that framework as we get used to it?

Again, I like to go back to the statute of limitations for arson comparison. Okay, yes, this person did something rude. Rude isn't as bad as arson. Did they double down at all? Did they attempt to apologize? Did they say something along the lines of, "I did it and I'm not proud of it but I'm also not sorry and I won't take it back"? How long ago did they do this? Was it more than six years? Have the done anything similar in the interim, or was it a one-off thing or a pattern of behavior that they've changed?

If they didn't apologize before, would they be willing to try to make amends now? Would the person they were rude to be receptive to it? How does the semi-public nature of the event in question impact reconciliation? What's the approach if the wronged party isn't receptive to reconciliation?

Honestly, it's a can of worms, but as you can tell, it's not like I think the current approach is all metaphorical sunshine and daisies, either. Maybe a few worms to loosen the soil up is exactly what we need.

[soc_puppet]

Honestly, I think it reaches even beyond the internet. But like, if we want to move away from... hell, I don't know if I remember the terms right, but I think it was a punitive system of justice to a restorative system of justice? I feel like starting in fandom spaces, with the way large groups of us react to other people just breaking fandom etiquette and effectively being rude rather than causing real harm has the potential to be good, relatively low stakes practice for a lot of us. Also, it's the kind of thing we should be trying to do on all levels of social interaction, not just prisons and stuff.

Very much not something I'd try to bring up on Tumblr by my lonesome, but I might consider floating the idea at fictional_fans once I get it a bit more polished.