Stress T-T

Stupid stress! I hurt you now! *bashes stress with blunt object*

...Yeah. See, there's this important thing I'm thinking about right now. And I thought I had it all figured out at about 4:30 today, in the middle of Shinkendo (which made the remainder of the lesson loads of fun), and I felt really great, but then I got home and I started doubting again.

I've been repeating Sakura-san's Ultimate Spell over and over like a mantra in hopes of finding something to keep me stable, but it's not working as well as it usually does. At this point, I can only take a deep breath and step back for a moment so I can see things better.

I'm scared. I'm very scared. I'm probably at least as scared as I've ever been in my life. I think that what I'm mostly scared of right now is change. I mean, this might change everything. Or it might not change anything at all. Or it might just change a little or it might change a lot but not everything or...

If I'm only afraid of change, though, then I should probably swallow my fears and go through with it. Change is scary, yes, and it hurts a lot sometimes, but that's the way change is.

I'm also afraid, though, that it's not just change that I'm afraid of. I'm scared that I'm afraid of something else, and that's probably what's keeping me from acting.

*deep breath* Okay. I can do this. I'll be okay. 'I know everything will be alright.' Just one more day, that's all I'll need. Right. *breathes out*

...God, I hate uncertainty.

(no subject)

Okay, trying for a more normal update now.

You know The Matrix? That one sceene with Neo and the Oracle talking? And how the Oracle says, "You aren't the One. If you were the One you'd know--like how you know when you're in love." (or something similar)? I always get the urge to snap at the TV screen then. You don't always know when you're in love--that's the point. Of course, maybe that's the point the Oracle was trying to make, and I should be smaking Neo around instead for not getting it soon enough. Whatever.

Picked up Bleach volume 8 at the book store today ^___^ Haven't quite finished (re-)reading it yet ^^; but so far it isn't bad. They did censor something in it--that bit in Chapter whatsit, sixty-eight, where Isshin is telling Ichigo how Karin and Yuzu aren't wearing undewear and Ichigo's like, "WTF, are you promoting incest or something you crazy old man?" Completely understand why they did it, really =_= but it still kinda bugs me. A lot of little things in Viz's translation of Bleach bug me, actually--'specially that bit in book six where they have Rukia saying, "Love, Romance... I think that stuff's boring." I liked the scanlation I read better, where it was something more like "I don't have time for things like that." It's similar to how I feel about the FMA manga translation and Agnostic vs Atheist, actually. Athiest implied that he didn't have time for God or religeon, while Agnostic implied that he took time away from his mission to think about it. Anyway, that's just my two cents, so feel free to disagree. (Or agree, if you feel like it ^_~)

Art and story-wise, though, it's still great ^__^ Renji grew very quickly on me, so it's good to see him again. Gin on the other hand I didn't actually like until recently, so I'm really glad to see him finally ^___^ And Zangetsu ♥ Oh God, Zangetsu ♥ I love you, you crazy old sword guy. Also, my scanlations didn't have the Radio Kon section, so that's a nice bonus for me.

That's about it for now. Still a little stressed, but listening to music is helping. Things will look better in the morning. But not at church. Oh God, church. It'll probably be that one priest that I don't like, too. Maybe I should play sick tomorrow.