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On Asking For Help
Oct. 6th, 2010 03:08 pmSomething I have learned from life: When I know I need help to do something, it's easier to ask earlier than later.
Earlier means it's an aspect of preparation; it means I know what my problems are and how to deal with them, and this is how I do it. "Later" usually gets pushed back farther and farther until I have no other choice, and also usually means I end up needing more help than if I ask early.
Earlier means I respect the people I ask for help enough to seek their opinion even when I'm not desperate; later means I'm so ashamed of even having to ask that I can't even face the people who are supposed to help, who want to help, that I would turn down a freely given gesture of love/friendship rather than let the people who care about me see me in a moment of weakness, that I don't respect them enough to go to them for help when I need it.
It helps that I have a system set up of people I know will respect me for asking: My parents, who I'm lucky enough will love and support me as long as I'm happy and not hurting people; my younger brother, who's willing to stick with me when my parents can't make it, and who sometimes understands better; my friends and roommates (and yes, I count you, circle/f'list), at least one of whom is always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder, and who are frequently willing to help out if they can, be it to lend a ride or emotional support.
And asking for help is not about being overly-reliant on other people; it's about knowing my own limits, and how to work with my own weaknesses. It's about owning my failings as well as my strengths. It's about knowing that I do need help sometimes, that everyone does, even if not everyone needs the same kind of help or the same amount. It's knowing that getting help early means I can get to a place where I can help someone else, someone who might need me, that much sooner.
Earlier is not painless, though it's getting easier with practice. I still screw it up from time to time, especially when I don't know what kind of help to ask for, or how to ask; but life has told me that it's my best option, so I'm going to continue to do my best to remember that it is an option whenever I think I need it, and to take it when I can.
Earlier means it's an aspect of preparation; it means I know what my problems are and how to deal with them, and this is how I do it. "Later" usually gets pushed back farther and farther until I have no other choice, and also usually means I end up needing more help than if I ask early.
Earlier means I respect the people I ask for help enough to seek their opinion even when I'm not desperate; later means I'm so ashamed of even having to ask that I can't even face the people who are supposed to help, who want to help, that I would turn down a freely given gesture of love/friendship rather than let the people who care about me see me in a moment of weakness, that I don't respect them enough to go to them for help when I need it.
It helps that I have a system set up of people I know will respect me for asking: My parents, who I'm lucky enough will love and support me as long as I'm happy and not hurting people; my younger brother, who's willing to stick with me when my parents can't make it, and who sometimes understands better; my friends and roommates (and yes, I count you, circle/f'list), at least one of whom is always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder, and who are frequently willing to help out if they can, be it to lend a ride or emotional support.
And asking for help is not about being overly-reliant on other people; it's about knowing my own limits, and how to work with my own weaknesses. It's about owning my failings as well as my strengths. It's about knowing that I do need help sometimes, that everyone does, even if not everyone needs the same kind of help or the same amount. It's knowing that getting help early means I can get to a place where I can help someone else, someone who might need me, that much sooner.
Earlier is not painless, though it's getting easier with practice. I still screw it up from time to time, especially when I don't know what kind of help to ask for, or how to ask; but life has told me that it's my best option, so I'm going to continue to do my best to remember that it is an option whenever I think I need it, and to take it when I can.
