CFUD App Plans post

[soc_puppet]

...I said I wasn't going to do it this round. I was wrong.

Moving it here, because the last post was getting kinda full and stuff.

I'm pretty sure there aren't any CFUD players out there, but if there are, who I'm apping is under here, so beware of bias? Still half-tempted to lock this thing.


Ahahahah. Aha. Hah. Apping Hakuba, stfu.

Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17

Canon info goes here. Will write later.

App plan thus far:

Hakuba sees "person in a gorilla suit".

Hakuba accosts gorilla-suited person, announces time & date (for the record), explains why he's there (help local police capture Kid, and what's this about a murder mystery?), begins asking questions.

Asks more questions. Stuff about camp layout, possible suspects for various things, do they have crocodile permits, etc.

Gorilla gets tired of this. "Unhand me, you brute! I wasn't done asking questions yet!"

----

...Yeah, I need more content, methinks. And to decide whether I want to focuse more on the hunt for Kid, or on the murder mystery. Or maybe he can ask questions about the Kid and the camp, and then find out about the murder mystery, and ask lots of questions about that when the gorilla gets tired of it and interrupts. Iunno.

Things I need to do:
* Make sure grammar is okay, check for typos, etc. when finished.
* Make sure voice is okay/strong (relatively unknown series, harder for the voters to tell, but I need to play him well for my own concience and anyone who does recognize him)
* Make sure I have enough funny, for the love of Pete!

Edit:
Started the sample entry about four times now, and can't decide which to work off of yet =_= Leaning towards the most recent. Posting the lot of them here, so you can get a look at them, and maybe I can leech ideas off of you get an idea of which one(s) sound the best.

Beginning 01:
Excuse me! You there, in the gorilla suit! I need to have a word with you!

Time: Saturday July 29, year 2006; 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Location: Camp Fuck You Die. Odd sense of humour these Americans have. I would like to ask you a few questions.

A few days ago, I was contacted by the local law enforcement agency; they informed me that the Kaitou Kid was planning a heist here, and wanted an expert on hand to deal with him. Unfortunately, I didn't realize they meant alone.


Beginning 02:
Camp Fuck You Die, is it? Odd sense of humour Americans have. Very interesting place. A lot of blood spilled around here too, judging by Watson's reaction. All in all, quite a strange choice of the Kid to hold a heist here. He usually dislikes blood.

...But I'm getting ahead of myself. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here as an expert on phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I hear that the director recieved a heist notice from him a short while ago, correct? Then I shall begin.


Beginning 03:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?

Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.

You there, in the gorilla suit! Tell me, how big is this place? Are there any large buildings with good updrafts?


Beginning 04:
I've had it up to here with this blasted place. This is, without question, the least organized summer camp I have ever seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, people dressed as corpses shuffling about--what the bloody hell does Kid expect to steal here, anyway? I expect anything he'd be interested in is either already in the black market or sunk in the swamp. And the name--Camp Fuck You Die? Really, I thought Americans were too prudish to show a man applying a rubber to a banana as a public service commercial, and here they're naming summer camps after lewd acts. I must be getting all my information from the wrong sources.

------

They go from earliest to most recent. They've all got their pros and cons, and I may end up having to smush them all together for a fifth start.

From my estimation, a good entry length is somewhere between 250 and 350 words (give or take fifty words). Can section should be about half that. It needs plenty of camp interaction, some hints towards canon without being completely reliant on it, and a good, strong voice. ...I'm not sure how any of these are with the voice, really. Help?

Edit 2:
From version 3 above:
----------------------

What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?

Time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom theif 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director recieved a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.

First of all, I need to know everything you can tell me about the target. It's likely to be a gem of some sort, and large at that. Possibly it will be associated with some sort of odd legend, or is said to have some mysterious property. Secondly, I need to know everything about where it is and how it's being protected. And don't try to hide it or replace it with a fake, he's bound to pick up on it somehow. Our only chance is to catch him in the act. Third, what sort of authority figures do you have around here, and do they wear any sort of uniform? Keep in mind that they may be impersonated at any moment. Watch for any out of character behavior. Fourth--

I say, gorilla man, hands off! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
--------------------

Need to know if the voice is consistant, if it's laugh-out-loud, side-clutching funny, and if it's too Kid reliant. Going to be working on a second version next that's more murder-mystery reliant.


Edit 3:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is making Watson go batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?

Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds. Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have. My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, and I'd like to ask a few questions.

You there, in the gorilla suit; you look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What colour? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--

I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and put me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!

-----------------

Went through with spellcheck. Changed the US spellings to UK spellings where appropriate (I seem to have only missed 'colour'). Still worried about voice, funny, and canon reliance. Will be cleaning it up within the next (half) hour and probably writing the canon after that.

...Still want to put in the banana and condom joke, but am slightly worried about how that would be received. It is historical, but is it modern enough? (For the record, I think it was a mayor of NYC who sponsored public service commercials that demonstrated how to put a condom on a banana, so kids would know how. There followed a huge uproar in the States, and the commercial was pretty much immediately taken off the air, but people in the UK were fairl amused by it, I think? It's been a while since I learned it.)

Anyway, think I have about the right word length even without it, but still want to be sure.


Edit 4:
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17

Canon: Meet Hakuba Saguru, half-British, half-Japanese teenage detective. This stuffed shirt of a seventeen-year-old left his home in London town to go chasing the infamous phantom thief, Kaitou Kid, in Japan. There, he relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but worse observation skills) to listen to him. Upon failing to capture the thief, Hakuba promptly abandoned a dorky catchphrase and an even dorkier outfit, and vowed to be the one to catch the Kid. He currently suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.

Hakuba has a somewhat obsessive personality, and has a bad habit of overwhelming people with questions. His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year, and he greatly enjoys announcing the time by it. He is accompanied in later appearances by his pet Sparrow hawk, Watson, who becomes very excited by the smell of blood. He flirts badly.

Sample entry:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is driving Watson batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say.

Camp Fuck You Die, was it? Odd sense of humor you Americans have. This is one of the more poorly organized summer camps I've seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, and the trees are badly in need of trimming. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?

Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana.
My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, though I'm beginning to think it was sent by an imposter. Nevertheless, I'd like to ask a few questions.

You there, in the gorilla suit. You look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What color? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--

I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and set me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!

--------

Down to the wire. Beta team, go! Is everything explained in the canon section? Is Hakuba's character evident in both parts, and is it consistant? Any mistakes I need to correct?

After this, I think I may be ready to send it in.


Edit 5: Apps sent in. Now comes the hard part. Unless I distract myself. Ooo look, a butterfly moth!
Edit 6: Making this 'invisible' on at least my LJ. Upon re-reading the app, I have quite a bit less hope for it than I did yesterday. Will start work on Tohru shortly, with any luck. Current prediction for Hakuba: 40% or weeding. That is all.

Comments

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Dagron suggested the person you're apping for and I volunteered to app Kaito if you apped him. THAT'S how we talked you into it. *beaming smile*

*blinks* Sounds like a plan. My plan? ...wing it *nods*

But we can still discuss details!

I actually think it would be more productive to have Hakuba find out about the murder if and when we--you--someone gets into camp in the first place. But we have to somehow keep canon from taking over your app. *thoughtful look*

[soc_puppet]

Yeah, yeah...

>_< Jevaaaaaa-! Not even a little inkling of what you might do?

Well, that's good at least.

The other problem with him not knowing about the murder in the app is that mine could be too reliant on yours/you getting in. And definitely the canon reliance thing. I should go and read more apps from the last round or two.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

You love us~ ♥

...Socchan. This is me we're talking about. Of course I have like...no clue what I'm going to do. :D

Yeah, except we're going to have to brainstorm like mad (if you're still having problems) tomorrow from like...1 to 5...and then I might have to give my app to you to send in for mebecause I tend to get kicked off around 5...

...good point. So finding out about the murder in the app would actually be a good thing.

[soc_puppet]

Yes, yes, we know.

*bland look* *is the sort who always has at least a vague idea before she starts, so doesn't understand your sort a bit*

Very true. So I'mma try real hard to have a rough done today and slap it up on the journal so I can shove more funny and good characterization into it later. And I'll do that if it comes to it.

Yeah, so it would probably be a good idea for me, at least. You might have different things to work off of, though, so.

...I can't believe I'm doing this when I don't even have one Hakuba icon.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

♥

*is totally just going to grin at you now*

...I--uh...haven't written anything yet still *nervous laugh*

Yeah, good point...

...*snerk* I can point you to some if you want?

[soc_puppet]

...♥♥♥

=_=

*whaps you* Get started! ...And while I'm at it, do you know if there are any regulations for having someone else send your app in?

Hakuba: Why the bloody hell is Kid holding a heist at a murder mystery site?! *is so gonna fail at the Brittish aspect ^^;*

I think I'll live. Probably. Or I can make my own, I guess.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

:D

XD

*ducks~* Hai, hai~ I'm getting to work~ Getting to work~ ...I've asked about it before. All you have to do is make a note in the email about my situation (I'll probably write that for you) and they'll take it in. >.>;;;

Well, you'll have some fellow Brits over there, so yeah...XD But yeah, sounds good~

But Hakuba makes such a good "Holier Than Thou" impression on others sometimes~

[soc_puppet]

Sounds good. That should help me out a bit, at least. And I'll probably try and send them off at the same time so they can be 'together' if they make it past weeding.

In the (unlikely) event that I manage to somehow get in, my first post will probably be to CFO, making puppy eyes at the Brits for help with authenticity ^^;

He does at that, the loveable little dweeb.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Good plan. It should work out okay >.>

...and you always get onto my case about being self-depreciative. If we don't make it in this time, there's always another camper app session~ But yeah, I'm sure that they'll help you out some. :D

He's so adorkable. Oh yeah...

[soc_puppet]

With any luck, and two finished apps.

Yes, yes I do. Low expectations allow me to bounce back from percieved failure sooner, and also allow me to be pleasantly surprised if I do acchieve what I set out to do. And anyway, it's too soon for me to guess anything with my app still unfinished.
They probably will, if I get in. And even if I get voted out, I can probably ask someone who is British to look over my language if I reapp, give me some tips and stuff. (I'd try and find one this time, but I'm pushing the deadline as it is.)

I'd tap that. I mean, uh...

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm done with the canon part of my app. Want to see it?

...good point.

Yeah, that way we can try again later? XD

Don't blame you, really. XD

[soc_puppet]

Maybe later ^^a My personal philosophy is to write the canon after the app, so the app explains the canon and not the other way 'round. Or something like that. And I think writing the canon first might block some of my humor anyway.

Also, low expectations =/= bad opinion of own ability.

Definitely. I really wanna get in somehow at this point.

Mrow :DD

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...why is it that all of your ways of doing things make sense? O_o;;;

...true...

Ha. This'll only be my third attempt, so I'll be game to try again. XD

[soc_puppet]

XD I actually only figured that out after my Kairi app bombed. (Well, not really bombed, but still didn't make it.)

I kinda prefer a realistic assessment of abilities to false modesty :D;;

Coincidence! This will also be my third attempt! Though I'll only stop trying when I don't think I can learn anything more from it and still don't get in.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...huh. Well, mostly what's gotten me to mess up on my apps is the fact that I'm cliche and...sometimes not very funny. *shrugs* Oh well. And if you want to talk about bombing--I can always fish up that other Kaito app I managed to snake through weeding a while ago... Though I'd prefer not to. *shudders* It was horrible~

...so what if a person doesn't know if they're being false in the modesty? O_o??

Technically, this could be taken as my fourth attempt, really...but yeah...the last time I tried, my app didn't go anywhere and I was a bit relieved since I...well...sucked. XD;;;

[soc_puppet]

Yeah, I'm suffering from a major lack of funny myself. I'm hoping that no canon restrictions will help me this time. Plus, it's Hakuba stuck in the woods. There's gotta be something funny about that.

I haven't actually given that a lot of thought o_O Haaaard question. Lemme get back to it in a week. Though I suppose the first step would be in defining false modesty in the first place.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...now that you mention it...Hakuba stuck in the woods is just HILARIOUS. XDDDD

...huh. Well, it's something to think about at least.

...*is totally being lazy and hasn't started on the Sample Post yet*

[soc_puppet]

Sadly, I think it may have all too much to do with disheveled appearance, and not enough to do with reaction. You know, bits of leaves and twigs stuck in his hair, ripped suit, that sort of thing. Though possibly some of it could come from being attacked by a squirrel in the middle of a dignified speech of some sort.

Definitely.

*has kinda started, but keeps on getting distracted DD:*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...yup. You could have Hakuba recount the things he can see is wrong with his appearance. Especially if...like...said squirrel stole his deer-stalker cap XDD

...*still hasn't started and I'm not the one distracting you, am I?*

[soc_puppet]

Trying to work a squirrel attack in there somewhere, if only so I can have a line about Watson driving the blasted thing off (possibly with his wallet, no less).

I'm also kinda vaguely re-reading Hakuba's first appearance in Detective Conan, for a better handle on characterization and stuff :D;; Though I might just give up and dig through the fics that I thought treated him well.

[tyrjiora.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaaaaah good luck you two :D!! Now if I can write out the ideas I came up with at work for my reapp... @_@

[soc_puppet]

Thanks ^__^ You, too!

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Am British and have Hakuba Icons for You~~~! :cD
(I was serious about the 90+ b&w icons.)

And Third time's best?

Although I don't think I can help much with Funny: I fail there. Dc:

[soc_puppet]

OMG. Someone who can check my langauge ♥♥♥ Eternal love. ...Er, I do hope I won't be keeping you up too late, though.
(o_o That's a lot of icons. Note to self: get job so I can buy paid account, should I get in.)

One can hope so :O

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Hopefully, although I must admit it's more scottish and international british than pure-bred londoner :cp (and I used to confuse American and British spellings) but will try my best?
(And erm, Late? Hahaha. ^^; Well I am on summer vacation so I guess I can sleep in. Is true the time line thingamies are confusing >_o I don't have a clue what time it is for you. )

(And yes, it is a lot. ♥ Mainly Snarky!Hakuba in Holmes suit, but... Can probably add more variety to that.)

Have you reread the MKs on Knightus's site? (or on your HD?)

[soc_puppet]

I can still get helpful pointers from you. And I can switch Word to UK English for spellcheck.
(It's currently just after three pm for me. I think I'm at about GMT minus 8? And I'm hoping to at least finish a rough within the next two hours ^^a)

(And I can always make my own, if it comes to it.)

Re-read all the chapters with Hakuba in them, at least, and his appearance in DC book 30. Kinda glanced through the raws for the end of book 54/start of 55, but my Japanese is abysmal :D;; (Do you, perchance, know what form of 'I' Hakuba uses?)

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...you lucky little--*just gonna laugh here*

Actually, I think Dagron's not quite 100% Londoner British is good for Hakuba since he is only half-British and he's been living in Japan for a while. Any British would work well with him...except for the Cockney accent. XDDDD Which would be HILARIOUS to hear on Hakuba, really XDDD

[soc_puppet]

That is an excellent point. (Plus, "my" Hakuba is secretly an eighth Irish because I wouldn't be able to deal with him otherwise.)

"I beg your pardon!"

...I'm also going to have to ask about British swear words :D Important thing to know and all that.

*flips frantically through The Original HitchHiker Radio Scripts, trying to get a handle on British humor*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Bugger and Bloody Hell are my favorites :D

Yesss! Hitchhiker~!

[soc_puppet]

With a side order of fetid dingoe's kidneys?

And the radio version, besides ♥

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Japanese ways he uses "Boku (http://www.mischif.net/1412/mixedbag.htm)" (Which I must admit, I don't get the significance of... My Japanese fails. ^^;)

Is 22h30 here. ^__^; Thought you might be afternoon sometime.

And ture regarding pointers. I wonder whether Hakuba would be the type to say "Oh Boy" and "dear" a lot? ^_-

Also, strange thing I noticed while rereading MK and DC recently: It's like Gosho totally changed the character in the Chat Noir case. o_o;
No Deerstalker, nice suit, no pocket watch but a nice Rolex... Yeah what. ^^; Is intriguing...

[soc_puppet]

Good to know :O Pro'ly should've checked there in the first place. (Boku is a rather boyish form of 'I'. I think it's more polite than 'ore', and is also used frequently by tomboys. And, of course, there's the Scary Boku Users (see number 40). Ore, on the other hand, is really masculine, and is used pretty much exclusively by males. I think it might be really self-important sounding? Watashi is neutural/polite, and atashi is females-only.)

I guess it depends on how polite he's trying to be.

Makes apping him consistantly a bit of a pain =_= I suppose I could app him from early on, and have some canon growing room, but I don't like him as much then. And I think I'd do better with later Hakuba anyway.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...I've used Boku before.

*sweatdrops* Well, that explains some of the looks I've gotten XDDD

[soc_puppet]

It might, at that XD

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Well, I often feel like a tomboy but apparently other people don't share my sentiments...

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*Snickers at "Scary Boku Users".
Luckily Hakuba's from a shounen. XcDDD
Although he does look somewhat Light Yagami's evilgood twin.*

And I guess Watakushi is the really old polite and neutral form?

I think multilinguals tend to be more polite in general, something to do with how they learn the language...
(I guess, I know it's my case, (when I'm not overtired and feeling rude,) but well...)
Also, Hakuba's from a rather Posh background, so it concords. And slightly condescending male. :P

And he is less moronic in his post chat noir form. *Shrugs*
Go with what you feels best, anyrate.

[soc_puppet]

True, that.
*cracks up* You think he and Light would get on?

I guess? I dunno that one.

Makes sense. Though I suppose it would also depend on how comfortable he is with English.

I guess I'll just go with which app voice comes out best. *glares at app attempts*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

*cracks up* You think he and Light would get on?

...oh god...this is such a scary thought why did you put in my head i'm starting to hate you i hope you know...

[soc_puppet]

It's a totally legit question, especially if he gets into camp.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...my inner-Kaito is crying, I hope you know--well, not really, but he's clinging to a pole and asking that he never has to see the two in the same ROOM together. The politeness, it huuuuurts~

...then again, if Hakuba's smart, he'd get suspicious of Light SOONER OR LATER.

...then again...maybe not XDD

[soc_puppet]

There, there. He can always hide behind bond with Uncle Lupin, can't he?

And he might. I dunno, how suspicious (of others) does he usually strike you? It could be worse if he knows Kid is on the loose in Camp, too.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Dude, he's so going to be hanging out with Lupin--though Lupin might call him a wuss for giving back what he steals XDDD

XDD Good point. But when he sees Kaito, he's going to zone in on him and probably not suspect others of being Kid unless Kaito ends up disappearing or something XDDD So maybe he won't exactly suspect Light for anything unless he notices that Light is acting funny.

[soc_puppet]

I support any and all wuss-calling on Lupin's part.

True, that. He'd probably keep an eye out if something strange happened, but other than that I imagine he'd only do the usual detective thing. Which means I have to put my memory to use. And then also know when it would be something I would observe versus something he would observe.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

D: Kaito so totally has a reason for giving things back! D:

XD

Yup. Good thing about this kind of RP though is that you can always check your recollection against events your character has been in.

[soc_puppet]

Well yes, but Lupin doesn't know that yet, does he?

Very useful, I must say.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Weeell~ both Light and Saguru are really intelligent 17 yr olds who like to solve crimes and stop criminals.
They'd probably have a lot to nitpick over on the How (as in, does the end justify the means?), and also the Why...
(Oh good grief, have just had the mental image of Hakuba asking Yagami WHY he kills all those murderers.)

-Read it in one of my japanese learning books (that are woefully discarded). Is the origin of Watashi I believe. ^_^;

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Edit: + but they'd probably get on in a Light & Ruusaki way pretty well. :cp

[soc_puppet]

XD *very amused* They could challenge each other to tennis and billiards or something. And yes, I forsee many Intense Discussions.
Well, it is his early catchphrase. "Why did you do it?"

Makes sense.

[soc_puppet]

Fer the love of Pete, someone give me an opinion on these D: (Currently working off the third one. Still unsure. Might have to change it to more murder-centric.)

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

You're doing a lot better than I am, really. XDDD

But I personally liked #1 and #3. So...yeah XDD

[soc_puppet]

Thanks, that helps. I'll look them over a bit more.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm taking it the inner-thoughts way...you know like a journal entry, but yeah, what you're doing for Hakuba works. Made me snerk more than once, really XD

[soc_puppet]

That's good to hear. I thought it seemed appropriate for him.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Now if only I could be funny...*stares at what she's written and makes a face*

[soc_puppet]

Sorry, nothing inherantly funny strikes me about Kaito in the woods ^^a It's harder in first-person, too, because you can't use any fun action descriptions. Otherwise, I'd suggest something about tree-top acrobatics.

Though maybe he could try and train the Toucans, since "he didn't have his doves with him/his doves escaped", and they follow orders better (though with considerably more sarcasm).

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

"In the Woods"
Doesn't Nakamori translate as "in the middle of the woods"? or something like that? :cD;

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Nakamori means something about woods, yeah...not sure. Will have to dig through Icka's stuff again.

[soc_puppet]

Naka = center and mori = woods/forest, I'm damn near positive. I'd say something about trees brandishing mops at him, but that would almost certainly be stretching even canon knowledge.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...but it would still be funny. XDD Maybe I should mention mop-wielding trees XDD Not really, but still ^___^

[soc_puppet]

"I can't escape from mops even in the middle of the forest" and maybe include a note in the canon?

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

XDD It's noted in the canon, but went a different route with the app itself *points to her LJ*

[soc_puppet]

Right, then ¦D Will take a better look at it later.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad it's not only me that thinks Kaito in the woods isn't necessarily funny on its own, but I seriously am having trouble with the comedy bit. *shakes head*

But yeah...treetop acrobatics and toucans...always fun to try...

[soc_puppet]

OhGod, Jeva, I--eureka, man. Just, I've got it.

Aoko could've made some smart comment to him as he was leaving that he was so much like a monkey, maybe now he was finally getting back to his roots (in the forest). And then you could play off of that, eventually get to a gorilla joke, something. But yeah. Forest, roots, all that.

...Or whatever you think is best, really.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

XDD I might keep the Aoko snarking at him before he left in mind. Would certainly help with the humor~

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Would Kaito be the Kind to have a monologue with himself about every little detail he sees that slightly worries him? Like, oh, I don't know, the fact that the squirrels are looking at him funny and there's not a rotting finger at the root of that tree, is there?

%Points towards Ysabet's Windfall for amusing Kaito Monologue?%

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Kaito would actually think certain weirdnesses to be cool or the result of something that he doesn't quite get. Not easily surprised this one, really.

And I think I've got my app done...but yeah...beta time and yeah...eeee~ close to when my dad gets home D:

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*pinged*

ah, oops?

Personally liked 3 & 4 most? XcD;

(Remembers the AVALANCHE of Questions Hakuba launched on Nakamori when first meeting him XcDD)

[soc_puppet]

Reassuring to have a backup on #3. And there are parts I'm rather fond of in #4... I may try and squish it and 1 together.

Thanks for your help ^_^

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Pleasure. ^_^

*Looks at edit 2*
humm... Maybe a [cut for more rambling questions] would help the reader realize he's causing an (amusing we hope) avalanche of questions?
I dunno, is kinda heavy reading as it is... >_o; At least for me... Humm.

[soc_puppet]

I dunno that something like that would be quite kosher in apps. Usually, things like actions and [locked to self] sections are avoided. I could probably change it to shorter/sillier questions, but I'm not sure how to lead into that. Maybe for the murder mystery version.

Could you explain what you mean by 'heavy reading'?

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Yes, make the questions siller. By heavy reading I meant it feels very serious and plot like and descriptive, not funny what... :cD;;

"Kosher"? :c? But yeah, I think I guess what you mean. But how else can one translate the idea of an avalanche of questions without forcing the questions upon the readers?

Perhaps have Mr. Gorilla try and interrupt and Hakuba tell him not to, to listen seriously?

[soc_puppet]

Gotcha. Will work on that.

Kosher... Uh, it's a reference to Jewish rules for eating (I think), and how they can't have some foods before/after/with others or how food has to be prepared beforehand? Don't kill me if I get this wrong, Summercloud D: Not allowed/looked well upon in this context, I guess.

Pretty sure that the gorillas can't talk, but that's what the picking up/hands off line was supposed to imply; an interruption. Anyway, I'll work on making the questions sillier or something.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

He can grunt menacingly? =cD

Okay, will look up myself... Just haven't seen it used in conversation before really. ^__^;

But yeah, short to the point questions for the win. (I think you can avoid "secondlys" and such and get away with it. ^^; )

Also: 'the phantom theif 1412,'
I before E except after C? :c3
Or should we call it fanon that Hakuba can't spell Thief? (Thinking of Icka's icon ♥)

[soc_puppet]

Outside influence/speaking also seems to be discouraged. I could probably include Hakuba saying "Stop grunting and put me down this instant!" or something, but I'm pretty sure it's better if it's all the character in question and no 'conversation' bits.

I'll do what I can, though I can't let it get too short.

Thanks =_= That's one of the ones I forget all the time. Managed to catch it on the WordPad draft after I posted it, but it's too late here.
Fanon is also discouraged D: They've got tough standards in the voting comm. Go take a peek sometime.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

^^; yeah, okay.
Was really just saying that in jest, but hey.
It is a hard job to app, eh? ^^;;;

Good Luck! \o/

[soc_puppet]

They've got tough standards, man DD: If it ain't laugh-out-loud funny, it ain't likely to get in. DC/MK is a smaller fandom, so fewer people are likely to know about stuff, but on the flipside, fewer people will also rabidly want either of our characters in camp, so.

Thanks ^^v Working on changing the questions, but need to keep my word count up. Ugh >_O

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Either really determined people...or real idiots like me want to app for this thing because it's nuuuuutttss~

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Which is why I'm not apping. :cD
That, and I know my comedy/humor fails seriously.

On the plus side, dude, is such a way to procrastinate~ :cD

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

That it is~ And I'm not normally good with humor...you know...planned humor. I'm good with the interacting, spontaneous humor. Which is why the apping sessions are so hard for me.

I procrastinate like a pro, what can I say~ XD

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Love the ending of it, but is Hakuba still trying to arrest the gorilla? Because that would be kind of necessary to put into the app.

But yeah, agree with Dagron. Hakuba should ask a lot more questions because...it's Hakuba XD Totally random questions about the camp. You know, lean away from the canon stuff a bit.

[soc_puppet]

*d'oh!* I kinda meant that he was just asking the gorilla if he knew anything about the area, since it looked like he was a local. I should probably put that in there or something.

I suppose I could make the questions sillier or something.

[soc_puppet]

...Belatedly, I see what you mean :D;;; I completely left out the gorilla interrogation line in that version. Drat. *goes to fix--but hey, it gets her more words!*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

I'm not getting any ficcage done, now, am I? =cD
Nevermind, for good cause! ♥

I must have been in France when the brits were amused at the condom ads. :cp

Only way I'd see it fitted in would be for the Gorilla to produce the banana, having Saguru say something like: "And what are you doing with that banana?"
... And I think my brain just froze from going any further. (Owe)

Plus side?
Edit 3 got me to gigle :cD ♥
(I tend not to really laugh out loud, so a giggle from me is a good sign I think :cp )

[soc_puppet]

♥♥♥ I do love you for that, too.

Quite possibly. It could also have been more than twenty years ago, so. I just remember hearing about it in class once :D;;

>_O I think I may skip that. Animal badtouch jokes are usually considered overdone these days, and if I managed a giggle, then I should be... well, I shouldn't do too poorly, at any rate.

Still need to push for words a bit, since I'm under and probably don't have quite enough funny to push me through.

Anyway, two remaining questions. If you knew nothing about DC/MK, would you:
a) still find this funny?
b) want this character in camp?

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Let's see...

If I didn't know anything about MK/DC...

I'd...
-wonder at who this Kaitou Kid is (canon, plz, marm? :cD)
-who's Watson? (Says no where that She's a Hawk.)
-Buffy-mun would probably like the Britishness for because of Giles (I think.)
-I'd suggest making a new line for the time and then the location. Like this:
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana. Odd sense of humour you Americans have.
My n... (etc)

- Maybe you should add "high-school detective" to his description? (my MK-knowledge speaking, sorry.)

-And I like his justified tone at being picked up by the Gorilla.
Just to be able to make him go all huffy and justified by pressing his buttons, I'd like to see him in camp. He seems likeable enough, even if annoying in his "I want to know" and "I do things by the book" way.

But of course, I am biased since I already like this character and like that kind of character in general :cD;;

[soc_puppet]

Thanks, that helps a whole lot ^__^ I'll definitely be putting that sort of stuff in the canon section.

I'll give that a shot, see how it looks. It might be just what I need, but it might also look a little... bulky, maybe? in the middle of all that other stuff.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it would look bulky, but the "mhefu: mluhfe lhfea lh. mhefd: ljkhfejgh." format makes me think of lists... I find it hard to read in the flow of a paragraph without some spacing to set it aside from following sentances... :cD;;

And glad to help.
Now good luck writing the Canon. >cD

[soc_puppet]

Checking it out in Word, and it actually looks pretty okay. I think I may go with that. Thanks for suggesting it ^__^

And thanks again ^_^ Getting right on that!

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*melts infront of cute Orihime Icon*

Okay, I'll let you get to it then. >cD
And attempt same ficcage while waiting.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Also, I find it cute how he seems both obsessed with this Kid and this gemstone thingy, and deluded into not realizing the Gorilla's a gorilla, but maybe some would find it annoying?

Any rate, would be nice to see some Canon to prod at what info needs to be added in the app itself I guess (since one can't guess about the Hawk or his high-school-detectiveness without prior knowledge.)

[soc_puppet]

I'll stick in a note about his obsessive tendancies, definitely. And I'm pretty sure he's not one to believe in the supernatural easily, but that could be all Shin'ichi's area.

Will be either adding to this post or updating with that.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

One question and one question only.

He flirts very badly.

...wtf? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[soc_puppet]

To be precise, he flirts like this. Or rather, that's pretty much the only time I've seen him intentionally flirting with the opposite sex. Anyway, I don't know about you, but that's the kind of flirting that would make me make strange faces.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...I almost forgot about that scene...XDDD Saguru, you SUCK at flirting. XDD

[soc_puppet]

See? Terrible flirt. Awful at it. Though he might've gotten a bit better over time. Who knows?

[soc_puppet]

...Though, to be fair, it could be partially the fault of the translation. But I don't think so.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

He flirts very badly. *evil snickering goes here. We love you guru~ truly we do.*
Also Gosho, when you do go back to writing MK, please make Saguru and Akako interact sometime? :cD;;;

- Age: 17. I think it said Eighteen in the info for movie 10, but since that's second type Hakuba, and you seem to be going with a mix of the two, I think 17 is fine.

- First sentance of Canon (Stuffed shirt etc...) seems a bit long-winded to me, but works I guess.

- What? Nothing about his catch phrase? Dc: Maybe better to keep his Canon short, but I'm slightly disappointed for Guru's sake XcD;;

- He now suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.
In my personal belief he's 100% certain, is just really without evidence. Your sentance explains it better though. ^__^

-His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year. He still has it in book 30? *goes to check for self* *so he does...* *wth Gosho? Why did you get rid of it? O_o;*

- Canon: In brief? Nice, light, short, with a touch of humor. ♥
Isn't worth a full essay or the manga scans when it comes

- Very bad taste, I must say, even if he does turn out to be a fake. The people disguised as corpse(s)? :cD; *suggests "an impostor", perhaps less confusing.*

- Haha, banana joke seems anecdotish to me, but hey, okay. :cP

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

And wtf, haven't you slept yet? XDD

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Dc: hm. No?

Third night in a row I'm not sleeping... Just to sleep during the day. Sis'll probably murder me. :c/
I hate it when I feel like procrastinating sleeping. Xc/

*mummbles about fic, kid heists, hot weather and being willingly distracted into helping you two out with your posts.*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha...I remember when I used to be able to do that~

*huuugs* You know we love you for this~ ♥

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*huugs back*

I'm enjoying this anyways. :cD~

*And hey! Kaito is love~! \o/ And ezfayg you're brave! XcD ♥*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

*not brave--INSANE--does this for the torment, I swear!*

Ah, the summer of our youth~~

[soc_puppet]

Have I mentioned that I love you yet? I have? Oh, well I'll just mention it again, then. ♥♥♥

I think I'll stick with seventeen; his birthday is at the end of August, after all.

I may try cutting that one into two.

I may throw something in during abovementioned cutting? (I'm actually trying to beef up the canon section a teensy bit.)

I also tend to avoid absolutes whenever I can, though Hakuba is probably different ^^a Will have to think on that.

...I have no idea. Possibly? Anyway, that's the reason he announces time and stuff, so I'd better put in a note about that as well. Can't believe I forgot that...


I thought it could've been worded better, but it's the best way to give me an out if Kaito doesn't get in and still have Saguru kinda-sorta-maybe suspect people.

I don't really know if I can do anything about that except take it out. I'll think on it.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

I thought it could've been worded better, but it's the best way to give me an out if Kaito doesn't get in and still have Saguru kinda-sorta-maybe suspect people.

...D: ♥?

[soc_puppet]

It's not that I don't have faith in you, it's just that I like to be prepared for every eventuality. I mean, for all we know, half the voters could be having a very bad day, and decide to abstain on voting because of it, thus tipping the scales and stuff. I dunno.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know that's not what you were trying to do, but still--I need a hug because now I'm thinking about it too much...

♥?

[soc_puppet]

*hugs j00?* ♥♥♥

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

*yay hugs~* ♥♥♥♥

[soc_puppet]

*hugs ^___^* ♥♥♥♥♥

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*responds with appropriate icon. That I should probably blame you for at least partially, but heh. :cp*

- Yes, you mentionned it. XcDDD And I luv u for apping him. ♥ (I am so going to zip those icons and send them to you some time soon.)

- Yeah, Birthdays! XcD

- Okidoki.

- Yay! \o/ Also, he has a fanclub I think. Despite his unability to flirt. :cP (*Aoko seemed to act fannish to me before she actually met him.)

- Good luck with absolutes. (Agh, maths Xcp)

- oki doki. ^_^

- Yes, always safe to have an out I guess.

- Think on it, and do what you feel is best.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...about the birthdays...should I make Kaito 18 since his birthday's already passed?

...and is my app reading to be sent off? >.> *pokes it, not wanting to read it anymore~*

[soc_puppet]

o_O Hadn't thought of that...

Will re-read once I finish tweaking mine, promise.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should keep him 17...that way he can whine or mock Hakuba for being 18 (whine because Hakuba's older and mock because...well...he's OLDer XDD).

Eeeee...I'm scared D:

[soc_puppet]

Well, you can always take him from April or something.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...you've got a point. *thoughtful look* I'll just keep him 17 then.

[soc_puppet]

There will be some confusion between the two of them; Hakuba's coming as recent as I can make him ^^a But, whatever works best.

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

I always thought of Kaito as being a year younger than Hakuba for some reason? :cD;;

*goes to reread your app and see if she can make any more suggestions...*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I actually thought that too just a few minutes ago...

*is going to nervously wait...yes...nervous...D:*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

- Canon: I recognize your writing style and for some reason reading this after Hakuba's Canon has made me realize that for some strange reason Kaito's probably more prone to angst than Hakuba. Wry~ Gosho? Dc:
Anyways, Canon appropriately describes Kaito... Although perhaps making sentences shorter/cutting them would help make the bit about fish less, idunno, anti-climatic? >_>; *hides*

- App: Strong voice I feel. :cD Funny? Well cheating Toucan was a must have and the other toucan is probably disturbing enough *_o I'd say pass.

*And Don't be nervous!!! :cO Distracts with icon?*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

...Kaito is uber-sekrit angst-machine. Think Hakkai but without the Hahaha~Psychoness. XDD

And yeah...long sentences re my downfall, apparently. *scratches head* But can definitely attempt to shorten them *thumbs up!*

*stares at your icon, whut*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Haha. I need to read Sayuki, don't I? XcD;

- Will you update the post on your LJ? Because he's still "hanging" with the toucans... Just saying. >_>;;

*It's Sailor Moon Stars, whut. And in the anime that character (http://www.dltk-kids.com/anime/sailor/sailorstarmaker.jpg) doesn't even have a Uterus when off duty. (http://sailormusic.net/covers/Taiki%20Kou%20-%20Chikara%20wo%20Awasete.jpg) Xco*

*Stares out the window. What, morning coming already? o_o;; *

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll fix the little things here in a bit *was distracted by a House-mun post on CFUD*

...okay...Sailor Moon really messed up, yes.

...yeeeaaaah...I might end up doing that sometime this weekend...

[soc_puppet]

I think the fanclub may be mostly because of his strapping good looks ;) Though I may see if I can shove it in somewhere.

Thought on it, and I think I might be a teensy bit safer keeping it there, though I can definitely see your point. Unless I can think of something else I can stick in there to beef it up a bit. Maybe the 'disorganized camp' line... *ponderyponder*

[soc_puppet]

Okay, did some changing around with canon and such, and replaced the banana joke with the farm animals running loose joke. Care to take another look?

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

- There, relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but less observatory power) to listen to him.
I think there's a "He" missing. Am also tempted to put "Observational skill(s)" or "brain power"(although the latter's just mean.)

- All good I think. Although the "flirts badly" line seemed more powerful to me without the fan-club mention.

- did you put that he's a Sherlock Holmes geek that goes around in a deerstalker? :cD;;

[soc_puppet]

Right, thank you. Missed that. And I think I may use the former ;) Wouldn't want Aoko after me.

Yeah, I think I might take that out.

XD Didn't manage to fit that in there, sadly. If I could've found a good place to shove 'and lost a dorky catchphrase as a result', I probably would push in 'and an even dorkier costume' now. Though, come to think of it, the phrasing might almost work... *goes to stare at the canon section again*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

*snickers at dorkier costume addition*
I guess you won't be wanting the "dorky outfit" icons if you do get in then? XcD
Although did he really lose his Catchphrase? o_o;

[soc_puppet]

*could not resist, whut*

Prrooobably not, no. Unless I decide to regress him at some point, so maybe give 'em to me anyway 8D

I think he did? I don't remember it after Kaito's all like, "Why can't you figure it out, you big dumb detective?" Disclaimer: Quote may not actually be authentic.

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

I think it was more along the lines of "Isn't it your job to find out why, tantei-san?"

[soc_puppet]

Bah, close enough. *was attempting to make a bad joke anyway*

[jeva-chan.livejournal.com]

*was snickering anyway, but had to comment*

[dagronrat.livejournal.com]

Hee~ XcD

You know, that's probably what he was thinking too.

[soc_puppet]

Works for me :D